Dear Annie 2/1
Dear Annie: I met my wife online 11 years ago. Within six weeks of our marriage, I realized she was changing. She was trim and lovely at the start, but I feared she would let herself go – and that is exactly what happened.
She is now well over 30 pounds overweight, and I can’t say anything about it or it’s abuse. I’m 64 and I keep active and stay in shape. I have no desire for her at all. We have been to counseling, but it didn’t help. I don’t know what to do. – Frustrated Husband
Dear Frustrated Husband: I’m hearing complaints you have about your wife, but have you looked at the reason she has put on weight? Is she happy in her life? Since you are active, is there any chance she could join you? Take your focus off of the number on the scale and put it onto her health. Help her find a healthy routine that she would enjoy with you. A healthy marriage is one in which you build up your partner, not find all of his or her faults.
Dear Annie: The letter you published from Missing My Things reminds me very much of my husband and me. He would go through my “stack” of things in the guise of tidying up, throw out my things he didn’t think necessary and yet throw away nothing of his own to “tidy up”.
I asked him to let me go through my own things. I asked him to only handle his things, and I said that I would handle mine. Then I told him flat out, “If something does not belong to you, you have no right to throw it away.” One day, I found in the trash can a small plastic bucket that I had bought awhile ago at the beach, as well as sea glass, shells and rocks that I had collected for a craft project.
I asked what right he had to throw it all in the trash when it wasn’t his. His answer was that he thought they belonged to our granddaughter. What? Even if they were hers, they were not his. I told him, “You have no right to throw out something that’s not yours.” I said that when I start going through things, I will throw his things out as well. That worked. It stopped.
Maybe “Missing’s” husband has obsessive compulsive disorder or is ill, but two can play that game if he doesn’t get the point and stop. – Nip It in the Bud
Dear Nip It in the Bud: Your direct approach with your husband was the key to your success. Congrats on taking charge.
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