Dear Annie 7/22

Dear Annie: Six months ago, my dad passed away. My frustration is that my sister and her husband refuse to tell their 6-year-old daughter. I understand that grief is very personal for everyone. But her decision to withhold his death is affecting my family. My niece is not allowed inside our house for fear she might ask about her grandpop. My young children are not allowed to speak about their grandpop in her presence – no memories, no references whatsoever.

I have confronted my sister about my concerns, and she told me that they’ll parent the way that they want to. I agree that they have that right. But it’s been six months, and she still is telling my children they cannot talk about their grandfather in their cousin’s presence. She has started to exclude us from family activities for fear that my children will mention his name and/or disclose his death to their cousin. My children are old enough to realize it is wrong, and a rift is growing at a rapid rate. I have spoken to my personal therapist, the hospice therapist and my daughter’s therapist. All three can’t comprehend my sister’s actions. – Heartbroken

Dear Heartbroken: Your sister’s parenting rights end where yours begin. Allow your children to speak as they normally would regarding your dad’s death. Asking them to abide by her dysfunctional dynamics sends the wrong message on multiple levels. Hopefully, your sister comes to her senses with time. But until then, you can’t walk on eggshells just to suit her.

And although the situation with your sister may have drawn the focus these past few months, the fact remains that your dad died mere months ago. Be sure to take care of yourself, creating the emotional space to grieve your father. I’m so sorry for your loss.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.