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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Dear Annie 11/4

By Annie Lane Creators Syndicate

Dear Annie: I was in a relationship for about 18 years. Early on, he proposed, and I declined with no intention of ever remarrying. After a little bit of cool-off time, the relationship slowly started up again despite this difference.

Over those years, some of our individual friends became mutual friends. Invitations for events were, of course, extended to us as a couple or individually with a plus one.

Over the past two years, the relationship ended. Soon after, I accepted a date with someone I loosely knew who is not local to the area where I live. This relationship quickly grew into an exclusive relationship. We are considering marriage in the near future, likely about one or two years off.

After the dissolution of the past relationship, I started getting invitations for “one,” no guest, from the now-mutual friends. My ex also gets invited. Some of the statements were that there was concern that he would behave poorly if I was there with my new significant other.

I have told inviters to please not extend this type of invitation to me as I do not consider it a real invitation. It’s disrespectful to my current boyfriend to expect him to be OK not being welcome to attend an event with me when my ex would be there.

Can you please weigh in on this type of invitation and how I can get people to understand this is not OK? – Moved On But Feeling the Pushback From Friends

Dear Moved On: It’s common for friends to feel caught in the middle after a breakup – especially the breakup of an 18-year relationship.

However, you’re all adults here. There’s no reason for your new boyfriend to be disinvited from social events. If your ex isn’t comfortable being around you two, he can stay home.

I would explain to your friends that your new beau is the real deal and that you see a future with him. If he’s not welcome at their dinner parties or barbecues, then you’ll be absent, as well.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.