Dear Annie 4/21

Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for three years. Life together has been good since our relationship blossomed almost five years ago. But my in-laws have never supported our relationship because I’m not a member of the Latter-day Saints church and because our relationship started while we were both separated but not divorced from our previous spouses.

When we get together for family events or vacations, my in-laws ignore me entirely (won’t look or speak to me for days). If I am spoken to, anything I say is manipulated and turned into something it isn’t. Nobody in my husband’s family attended our wedding, and nobody reached out when I gave birth to our son more than a year ago.

My husband is aware of their treatment, but he ignores them and pretends that everything is fine even though this has hurt me quite deeply. After my mother-in-law didn’t show up for our son’s birth, spread lies, said I wasn’t welcome in her home and stopped communicating with us for almost a year, she wants to begin visiting to see her grandson.

She visited a couple of weeks ago but didn’t interact with our son, and when we explained how much she hurt us and how much we wished she was a part of our lives, she just blew us off without taking any ownership of her actions.

I don’t want to be around these people. They are toxic, and I am much happier, and my marriage is much healthier, without them. My husband wants to spend time with his family. What should I do? – Impossible In-Laws

Dear Impossible In-Laws: Family is a gift, and I usually suggest that we do everything in our power to hold our families close and make amends in times of conflict.

Your case is different; you must set boundaries to protect your marriage, your happiness and your son, who deserves an abundance of love and not the ostracism of his father’s family.

Exposing him to such negativity will do only harm. Do not allow such toxicity in your home. If your husband wishes to see his family, he can visit them solo.

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