Miss Manners 2/23

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Alongside my apartment building, just under my bedroom window, there is a large dumpster for 20 residents. It is emptied two days per week, but until then, it is often sloppily overflowing with trash. The trash is also regularly on top of the dumpster instead of in it, even when there is room inside, and of course it smells.

Strangers often play a part in this problem as they approach the dumpster, rip open bags and pull out trash in search of redeemable 5-cent bottles. They then either leave the ripped bags askew or take them with them for storage, further destroying an already unsightly area with the mess they’ve left behind.

Along with this, two men have taken to using the same decrepit area to fix their cars on a daily basis. When doing so, I can hear drilling, see spotlights and smell solvents, gasoline, etc. I do not know if they live in the units or not, nor if the management office knows about this makeshift auto body shop.

Should I mention it or not? I have already told management about smokers in the building (because of my health problems), and loud music that would start at 11:30 p.m. Would I be viewed as a troublemaker if I mentioned these things, in your opinion?

GENTLE READER: You will definitely be viewed as a troublemaker. But Miss Manners would have asked a different question. Namely, “Is this not precisely the sort of trouble that building management is paid to address?”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was invited to an event by a friend and neighbor, but I had already made plans to attend with a separate group of friends. I politely declined, but I know I will run into him while there.

Unfortunately, this friend/neighbor doesn’t get along with these friends, or I would have invited him along. How should I have handled his invite in the first place, and what should I say when I see him at this event?

GENTLE READER: Your problem is not just that your neighbor-friend does not get along with the group – your problem is that your neighbor is going to think that you accepted an identical invitation after turning his down.

Assuming the public event is not a masked ball, you will want to address this situation before the surprise reveal in Act 3 – i.e., before you run into each other at the hot dog stand.

Call and confess you accepted a similar invitation from other friends, you look forward to seeing him there, and you just did not want there to be any misunderstanding. The phrasing is significant. You are a guest of your other friends, and therefore not free to expand the invitation to include your neighbor.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website missmanners.com.