Miss Manners: Reuinion becomes donations drive

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At the 50th reunion of my professional school class, the first session of the reunion program included several speakers on topics one would expect at such an event: class history, changes in the makeup of today’s students, introduction of new faculty members.

Inserted into this lineup of speakers was a representative from the school’s development office, who proceeded to give an exhaustive – and I do mean exhaustive – accounting of the myriad ways in which we could give to the school. Cash gifts, securities, real estate, annuities, all manner of bequests.

At the end of the presentation, during the question-and-answer period, one of my classmates spoke up to vehemently say that this appeal to a captive audience was in very bad taste, and in no way belonged at the event. Other classmates disagreed, which led to a spirited debate.

What are your thoughts? Do you believe this to be a breach of etiquette?

GENTLE READER: It’s in the same sense as having a commercial inserted into your favorite show. It is not just because your alma mater longs to see your aging face that reunions are held.

That said, Miss Manners remembers a reunion of a school in the Northeast where elaborate entertainment and thoughtful services were provided, yet hardly a word was said about donations. They just raked it in. Perhaps your school would have done better by being less obtrusive.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am very much against Russia’s invasion of Ukraine, and I don’t want to support it by buying a diamond engagement ring, since the stone is likely to come from Russia.

I told my fiancee I would like to buy her a ruby, emerald or sapphire ring – her choice – but she says the only ring appropriate for an engagement is a diamond. What is your advice?

GENTLE READER: This is not the jewelry department, so Miss Manners cannot advise you on how to find a diamond with a clear provenance (or a lab-created one). But that is what you must do.

The reason is not because there is any etiquette rule about diamond rings. Frankly, we don’t even care if there is a ring, much less what type. Etiquette considers that all an engagement requires is an agreement between two people to be married. It is not we who invented that bended-knee routine.

But your fiancee craves this. And your marriage will go better if you acknowledge that while a spouse’s moral convictions should be respected, so should a spouse’s emotional longings.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If one is dining alone at a restaurant and must burp, what should one do afterwards? It seems coarse to say nothing, but it seems odd to try to engage nearby diners.

By saying “excuse me,” would one be asking the salt shaker for a pardon?

GENTLE READER: Even if dining alone, one should say “excuse me.” Especially if the people at the next table jumped.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website www.missmanners.com