Dear Annie: Grandma goes south for the winter
Dear Annie: I have two children and five grandchildren, and I have just recently retired. We all currently live in Minnesota, but I’m considering moving somewhere warm for the winter months and just coming back for the summer and fall.
My issue is that, in doing this, I would not be here for two of the five grandkids’ birthdays most years. I’ve been getting pushback from my children, asking how I could attend birthdays for three of the grandkids but not for the other two. Their birthdays are right in the middle of my proposed time in my Florida home.
I’ve been feeling very guilty in just considering this and wanted to know if I’m being selfish for being gone for these two birthdays or if I’ve earned my time away. I do love my kids and grandkids very much, but I also want to enjoy my senior years, and that means being somewhere that is warm in the winter months. – Guilty Grandma
Dear Guilty Grandma: You’re not wrong for wanting to pursue a retirement you’ve dreamt of and worked hard to get. It is heartwarming that your grandchildren love you so much and want you to be part of their birthday festivities. However, you must also honor your wants and needs.
Once you are settled in your Florida home, see what is feasible in terms of short-term visits back to Minnesota. Maybe it’s possible to go for a few long weekends or for your children to bring the kiddos and escape the cold with you in the Sunshine State. It may take some time to get used to a new normal, but I hope your family will be supportive of this life change that you absolutely deserve.
Dear Annie: I’ve been with a guy for more than four years now. Things were great in the beginning, but now I feel we’re together for convenience.
I started working nights again almost a month ago, which I will remain for awhile at least. The problem is he doesn’t understand that it is taking a toll on me. I’m always tired. When I get home at 6:15 a.m., I want to go to bed so I can be awake in the afternoon to be with my children. I understand that I’m not giving him much attention, but I feel he also needs to respect the fact that I’m exhausted, physically and mentally.
He makes me feel guilty for sleeping. He’ll wake me up to spend time with him, which I don’t appreciate at all. Again, I feel like it’s convenient being together and I don’t know if I want to be with him anymore. He stresses me out a lot and blames me for a lot of things. No matter what, my children come first. I’m always with them and he isn’t. I know they’ll appreciate the time I spend with them. I’m confused and don’t know what to do. – Unsupported by Partner
Dear Unsupported: Perhaps you mean “together out of complacency ” instead? Frankly, between being woken up at all hours, feeling guilt-tripped about your schedule and unsupported when it comes to child care, nothing about this arrangement sounds very convenient for you.
With your work hours currently in flux – and who knows for how much longer – it’s critical to communicate and make sure you and your boyfriend can get on the same page. If he can pitch in around the house and with the kids during your workweek, it might make spending the uninterrupted quality time together that he’s looking for more feasible. Ultimately, if you can’t depend on him to have your back when you need it most, you’re better off finding someone else who can.
Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.