Dear Annie: Husband rebrands cruelty as ‘honesty’

Dear Annie: I have been married for almost 20 years and have five beautiful babies with my husband. The problem is that he tends to say things without thinking. He can hurt people’s feelings, and he says he doesn’t care because he is just telling the truth.

He has said some hurtful things to me about my weight. I am not a skinny girl and never have been, but try as I might to lose weight, it just won’t stay off. When I tell him he has hurt my feelings, it’s like it goes in one ear and out the other. It’s like he doesn’t even care that he hurts me. He says I am just being crazy and too sensitive.

I don’t know what I should do to make him see how he is hurting me. – Sad Wife

Dear Sad Wife: You are not crazy, and you are not too sensitive. Your husband is mean and insensitive and he tries to hide his cruelty through some sort of a mask, saying that he’s just being blunt and it’s your problem. That is so unfair to you. Next time he says something cruel or hurtful, walk away from him. If he continues to insult you, you might have to contact a marriage counselor. If he refuses to go, then attend counseling yourself and decide if you want to stay in the marriage or not.

Dear Annie: My daughter, “Jody,” is back in college for her sophomore year. She enjoyed her first year and was looking forward to going back. But she just called me to say that her best friend, “Sally,” who she met at the school, decided to leave college immediately after returning for her second year.

Jody, who is 19, is is sad about this and suddenly questioning whether she should stay at the university or leave. Going to this school has been her dream since she was little. She was thrilled on the day when the acceptance letter arrived. Her father and I took her out for a celebration dinner. At that time, she didn’t even know Sally existed.

Yet she would give up her dreams because one friend dropped out?

I am beside myself with worry about Jody’s lack of judgment. She never was like this. Do you have any tips for what my husband and I should say to her to persuade her to stay in school? – Worried Mom

Dear Mom: Relax. Jody is 19, an age where impulsive decisions are common. If you overreact, you might create an unnecessary drama in all of your lives. Remind her about how this school has been her dream, and she will continue to fit in and enjoy her college years, undoubtedly with a new best friend. Communicate with her often – daily is fine, for a while – to offer support, encouragement and reinforcement. Let’s hope this is just a phase.

Dear Annie: I am writing this letter from Greece, where multigenerational family life is still idealized.

When I met my future husband (we’ve now been married 47 years), I asked him why he was living with his parents. His answer was, “I love my mother and father!”

Annie, don’t be so down on children living with their parents and families. – Greek

Dear Greek: Thank you for your letter. Seems like there is plenty to learn from Greek culture.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.