Dear Annie: Husband has become a man I hardly recognize

Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for 19 years. In the beginning, he was such a gentleman. He never raised his voice or called me names, but as soon as we decided to blend our families, with my children living with us, he became very loud and started calling me names, and we argued frequently.

I realized that he was abusing substances, but he quickly turned that behavior around when I told him I would not allow it. A few years later, he stopped drinking completely, and things were calm.

But then he changed again, and he now calls me the most terrible names I could ever think of being called.

The way I see it, I have backed him for 19 years, including when there were illnesses in his family. I attended the funerals of several of his family members and took care of his parents when they were in hospice at home.

My brother has now passed, and my husband has become so angry that he will not attend the funeral with me. He says he wants for us to separate but not divorce because he does not want to pay for it. I am desperate to fix this situation but am not sure that it can be fixed. What do you suggest? – Desperate

Dear Desperate: It sounds like the man you first married is long gone. If he is drinking or using drugs again, that will tell you a lot. But for whatever reason, he has gone from gentleman to monster. He is verbally abusing you.

As I see it, you have two options: You can get into marriage counseling and work through your issues, or, if he is resistant, you can contact a divorce attorney and get the ball rolling so that you can heal and begin to move on with your life.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.