Dear Annie: Husband prioritizes blood family over wife

Dear Annie: I have been married now for just more than three decades to who I thought was the love of my life. For years, I have noticed that my husband regards his birth family to be No. 1 and our immediate family No. 2.

He was hooked on his beautiful and caring mom until she was tragically taken back home to rest with our Lord. Now it seems that his wonderful sister has become like his mom. He discusses EVERYTHING with her. As you can tell from my letter, I absolutely adore my in-laws, and I do not mind sharing the ups and downs of my birth family with them, but on my own time, not my husband’s. When I brought this up to him, he got very indignant. I thought that I had brought up the subject to him in a very caring way. No, it was horrible.

I have been very patient with him over the years through his addictions and ailments. I have stuck by his side. Now he’s been unemployed for more than a year. Although he picks up all the slack at home, which is something I really appreciate, I can no longer sleep next to him in good conscience. I know that we could use a good therapist, but what I really want to know is if it’s time to throw in the towel. – Last to Know in Maryland

Dear Last to Know: After three decades together, feeling like a secondary priority in your husband’s life must be particularly painful and isolating.

Given your husband’s current unemployment and previous struggles, it’s possible that his leaning on his sister represents a search for stability or escape rather than a deliberate neglect of your relationship. However, he should still be making room for you in the same ways he does for his sister, and did for his mother before her.

Before deciding to throw in the towel, I would strongly recommend, as you mentioned, exploring therapy. If therapy is not an option or doesn’t lead to improvement, then it might be time to consider more serious changes. Whatever decision you make, be sure it is one that puts your emotional and mental well-being as top priorities. You deserve to feel valued and central in your marriage.

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