Ammi Midstokke: The merits of the original off-grid laptop
On Mother’s Day, my family found the perfect gift for me: An off-grid, kinetic-powered, water-resistant laptop known as the Olivetti Lettera 22.
Weighing in at just over 8 pounds (9 pounds if we include the durable, zippered case), it’s the perfect addition to any backcountry writing expedition. I do advise keeping your paper in a Ziplock bag and avoiding moisture contact on the ink ribbon.
Built in the 1950s and early 1960s, the Lettera 22 is of a stout and graceful form that won the Compasso d’Oro award for industrial design in 1954. While it was not designed as bear deterrent, it is guaranteed to ring the bell of any approaching wildlife. Speaking of bells, the margin bell actually doubles as a bear bell if you type fast enough.
The page on this specific use is missing from my instruction manual. For reference, one must firmly grip the handle of the case (be sure the machine is actually in it or the results will differ) and swing with great momentum toward the approaching animal. If distance allows, let go of the handle and launch as a projectile.
If it is a pack of coyotes, hold fast and spin in circles until all coyotes have been rendered unconscious. Do not worry about harm to the paint job: The Olivetti’s thick coat of coral-rose will be protected, though you may need to remove a few teeth from the case. When ready, unzip case, set laptop on lap, log, rock or carcass, and hammer away at your next great literary achievement.
My particular model came with a neuro-plasticity feature. I’ve read that crossword puzzles, sudoku and brain-training apps on smartphones are essential for combating the cognitive impairments of age. My husband has noted I’ve been repeating myself a lot recently, whether early signs of my mental decline or his passive rebellion, I cannot say. So my Olivetti actually came with the original Italian keyboard, that I might retrain my fingers and mind.
It even has a ç key. I will at last be able to write a novel with a character named simply Garçon. Additionally, I can now write ‘façade’ as pretentiously as it ought to be. While Italian doesn’t actually use the ç, the Friulian language of northern Italy does, though some have suggested they included this key to facilitate properly insulting the French when needed (which is often, I assume).
One can also write English words on an Italian keyboard, but they come out with an accent and a love of tomatoes.
As a young girl, I had an early love of writing and a neighbor gave me an ancient typewriter that could only be used after some dexterity and strength training of the fingers and wrists. I hammered away on that thing for years, producing epics of poetry about my horse (a palomino named Cameo) and three-act plays of plagiarized, paraphrased Shakespeare. It was the start of an illustrious career and possibly tendinitis.
The advent of computers changed things. It’s not just screen glare and dew that ruin the outdoor writer’s industriousness. It is that we are constantly interrupted by all the other things happening on a computer and the inevitable squirrel chasing. For example, I now know every Compasso d’Oro winner between now and 2018. I had to take a break from this story to write a complaint letter about the winning “Sacco chair,” which is just a fancy way to say bean-bag chair, as they have been a blight on basement decor and vacuum operators for generations now.
Another disadvantage of the computer is one’s ability to type faster than they think.
This has never produced anything of real value and is in fact largely responsible for most of what one might read on Reddit or the Facebook diaries of a recent breakup.
The off-grid laptop lacks a backspace button. Some of us still remember how cumbersome it was to work with white-out that was perpetually clumpy, so we value the process of contemplation and reflection necessary to composing a sentence of import and gravity before striking it permanently onto a page or releasing it into the ever expanding wilderness of the internet to educate AI.
As a self-proclaimed conservationist, I’m not quite sure how I feel about the paper usage, but the kinetic-powered laptop has a significantly lower carbon impact than the traditional battery-powered version.
Also, this one’s been recycled for like 75 years and will likely outlive me, particularly if we encounter a grizzly. For those, I recommend you hike with a 1920s Underwood.
Ammi Midstokke can be contacted at ammim@spokesman.com