Miss Manners: Fussing and frowning over feet on furniture

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When visiting my home, friends and relatives sit down and immediately put their feet on the sofa, even though I have a leather hassock for resting their feet sitting in front of the sofa.

I recently purchased a new sofa in a dark blue fabric, as I did not want to spot-clean after visits. Other chairs are covered in a lighter-colored fabric. While chatting during a recent visit, my niece stood next to a chair and put one foot on the seat. Her father was seated on a chair with one foot tucked under him, and her mother was sitting on the sofa with both feet curled under her.

They do take their shoes off at the door, even though we are wearing our shoes and tell them they may leave theirs on, also. The carpets are clean – vacuumed every week and professionally cleaned every two years – and therefore should not be a reason for guests to avoid putting their feet on the floor.

Other than posting signs saying, “Feet belong on the floor, not the sofa,” what must I do to preserve my furniture and good humor? Perhaps I am too judgmental as a host.

GENTLE READER: Have you considered garden parties? Miss Manners realizes this only works for half the year, assumes that you have access to a garden and risks people pouring drinks into the shrubbery.

On the plus side, you get to wear a hat, you can cut all kinds of things up into little bits and serve them as food – and you can go inside and go to bed once it’s too dark to see the guests.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Now that I am in my dotage, my hearing is failing. I had an examination and got hearing aids, and now I want to share with you how wonderful they are in many ways. One way, in particular.

My wife was born without an “off” button. She has been blessed with the ability to speak continuously on any subject. I have lately found that turning off the hearing aids is a blessing in disguise. My wife thinks I am intently listening when she has one of her verbal diarrhea attacks. All I do is turn off my aids and smile.

However, since consulting with her doctor, she has found out that her condition is contagious. Whenever we have company, they succumb to her condition. Please help before I do something drastic.

GENTLE READER: Actually, the doctor may have said something different to your wife – something about why you don’t appear to know what was said after your conversations.

But if you’re not worried about that, Miss Manners recommends simply turning down the volume when her friends come over, as everyone should then get along just fine.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The invitation to a conference dinner said that guests of conference participants may attend the dinner, but must pay for their own meals and drinks. Is this usual?

GENTLE READER: No, but Miss Manners may surprise you when she says that nothing in etiquette forbids it, either. This is not a social invitation, but a business one. You didn’t think that salmon fillets grew on trees, did you?

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website www.missmanners.com.