Rex Huppke: Trump wants us to sacrifice for war? Start with his ballroom money

A time of war is a time of sacrifice, friends. So I’m sorry to report that the war we already decisively won against Iran, the country whose military we 100% obliterated, is going to cost an additional $200 billion, presumably to ensure extra decisive winning and a side of further obliteration.

Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth said Thursday the new load of cash – which is almost enough to fill your tank at current gas prices – is necessary because: “It takes money to kill bad guys.”

Who am I to question a former Fox News host who routinely uses the words “lethality,” “kinetic” and “warfighter”?

As Republicans have told the American people repeatedly since the Iran war began, for no apparent reason, we must all sacrifice.

GOP Rep. Mark Alford of Missouri said: “I think we all know that when you have a kinetic conflict like this – whether you want to call it a war or not, we are putting energy, resources, money into this – it is going to take a little bit of sacrifice on the part of Americans.”

Huzzah! If I could afford a flag to rally around, I would surely buy one, but the cost of flags is inordinately high due to tariffs and an economy that’s tanking due to war.

Michele Tafoya, a Republican political consultant running for a U.S. Senate seat in Minnesota, recently said: “I think right now, at least just kind of keeping a stiff upper lip, maybe you take one less trip to Starbucks, and so that gas goes a little further until this thing is over and these gas prices come back down again. Let’s just try to be patriots about this.”

You hear that, fellow Americans? Ease up on the Starbucks! Let’s try to be patriots and not whine about surging fuel prices, a potential energy crisis and high food costs.

I’m sure our patriotic leaders – the ones requesting an additional $200 billion from taxpayers to add more “quag” to the developing Middle Eastern quagmire – are going to be right there sacrificing with us.

In fact, given that there’s no person who loves America more than President Donald Trump, I’m certain he will immediately donate all the money for his big, beautiful White House ballroom to the war effort. Surely that $400 million can be better spent killing the bad guys Hegseth was talking about.

No true patriot would worry about a ballroom’s marble floors and ornate light fixtures while our brave warfighters are overseas fighting a kinetic war with great lethality.

I guarantee you all Americans believe the sacrifice must go on in an equitable, we’re-all-in-this-together manner, so I’m sure Trump’s various billionaire backers will, any minute now, drop billions in the Pentagon’s tin cup to support the troops.

Right, Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk and any other rich folks in Trump’s orbit? Heck, missiles that explode and just smaller versions of space-curious-billionaire rockets that explode. The enthusiasm for this effort should be infectious!

Watching my tax dollars go to fund a war I didn’t ask for, that’s being conducted for reasons not yet explained, is indeed a sacrifice. And asking for another $200 billion while Americans struggle is bold. But I’m sure we regular folks will feel better once we know the wealthy folks who elevated the guy who impulsively started the war are sacrificing as well.

The Pentagon eagerly awaits your ballroom cash, Mr. President. Mr. Bezos, Mr. Musk and the rest – you can get in line behind him. Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Follow USA Today columnist Rex Huppke on Bluesky at @rexhuppke.bsky.social and on Facebook at facebook.com/RexIsAJerk