Escapee Offers Shopping Safety Tips

• 10. Take Boxing Gloves with you when going to a big-box store. You never know when you’ll need ‘em.
• 9. Earplugs are a necessity in every store whose intercom blares out “Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer”.
• 8. Medicate yourself when embarking upon holiday shopping, that way you won’t gag when you hear “The Twelve Days Of Christmas”.
• 7. Try not to splurge on Holiday Candy, as I did today. Chocolate-covered orange bars await me. MMMmmmmm.
• 6. When planning to drive to a big-box-store’s parking lot, reinforce your car with a thick wall of hi-density impact plastic since Parking Lots Have No Rules.
• More of Escapee’s Shopping Safety Tips below (See Sgt. Christie Wood’s original list here)

Question: Do you have something to add to the list?

5. Carry lots and lots of change with you so you don’t have to endure the guilt which results from passing those red kettles and not putting something in.
4. When watching the never-ending Holiday Blitz of Football Games, be sure to have something soft to sit on. Extreme cases may require a hemorrhoid cushion.
3. Do not give any clothes for Christmas Presents. That’s always a bummer gift. Drawing from experience, I got tons and tons of stuff I’d never wear, although I tried my best to fake a smile whenever I opened up a package and found those ugly wool vest-sweaters. Gag…
2. Always have a snappy comeback ready in case some store clerk wishes you “Happy Holidays”. My favorite? “Which holiday are you talking about?”
1. Have a folded-up barf bag with you in case the big-box store you’re shopping in blares out “Feliz Navidad” over the intercom.

Now, where are those chocolate-orange sticks….?