Nobody knows – except the parents of “Pop,” a 2-year-old in Sweden whose parents refuse to reveal whether their child is a boy or girl.

Pop’s mom and dad decided to keep their child’s gender a secret because they believe gender is a social construction, according to a recent story published in The Local: Sweden’s News in English.

“We want Pop to grow up more freely and avoid being forced into a specific gender mould from the outset,” Pop’s mother told the Swedish newspaper Svenska Dagbladet. “It’s cruel to bring a child into the world with a blue or pink stamp on their forehead.”

 By doing this, their child won’t be subject to society’s tendency to stereotype based on gender, they said. According to The Local, Pop (not the child’s real name) wears both dresses and pants. Pop’s hairstyle also changes on a regular basis.

The family has received both positive and negative feedback. The Local interviewed Kristina Henkel, a gender equality consultant in Sweden, and she said Pop’s lack of gender-identity might be a good thing.

“Girls are told they are cute in their dresses, and boys are told they are cool with their car toys. But if you give them no gender they will be seen more as a human or not a stereotype as a boy or girl,” Henkel told The Local.

The Local also interviewed Susan Pinker, a psychologist, Canadian newspaper columnist and author of the book, “The Sexual Paradox.” “Child-rearing should not be about providing an opportunity to prove an ideological point, but about responding to each child’s needs as an individual,” Pinker told The Local.

What are your thoughts on this family’s decision? How do you think this experiment will affect Pop as he or she grows up? How long can a child remain “gender-free”?

Americans are more likely to get married, divorced and remarried compared to people in other Western countries, statistics show. We also have more live-in partners. But when a relationship sours, we quickly bail.

“We step on and off the carousel of marriages and partnerships faster than anywhere else,” according to Andrew J. Cherlin, author of the new book, “The Marriage-Go-Round: The State of Marriage and the Family in America Today.”

This can sometimes pose a problem for the kids, Cherlin said in an interview with Random House, Inc.

“American children face much more movement of parents and parent-figures in and out of their households than do children anywhere else. … Most children can cope with this much movement of people in and out of their homes, but some of them can’t. They show more behavior problems, such as being disobedient or, for older children, skipping school. … the lack of stability, the number of transitions they have to adjust to, may not be good for kids. I would guess that children who live with a single parent who quickly re-partners but soon ends the partnership are often worse off than children who live with a single parent who remains single.”

 This tendency to marry, break up and marry again has a lot to do with our culture, Cherlin said. Americans believe in two conflicting ideals: We believe in the institution of marriage but we also want personal fulfillment as individuals. People in other countries, he said, make one or the other a priority, but not both.

Instead of promoting marriage, Americans should devote their time making sure that children receive stable caregiving, he said. He also advises people to “slow down” and not rush into parenthood.

What are your thoughts on the state of marriage and its effects on children in America?

They’re known as “boomerang kids” – young people in their late teens or early 20s (sometimes 30s, and yes, even 40s) who have already gone to college or asserted their independence but are now finding themselves back at home with their parents.

Statistics from the U.S. Census Bureau show that among 18- to 24-year-olds, 56 percent of males and 43 percent of females live with one or both their parents.

With the tough economy, more young people are unemployed and with little or no savings. For some, the most obvious and perhaps easiest alternative is to go back home.

“You thought the terrible 2s and the sulky teens were bad?” Los Angeles Times reporter Dawn Bonker wrote in this recent article, “Parenting boomerang kids is even harder in a recession.” Dealing with emerging adults can be even more challenging. “Because the relationship is neither parent-child nor yet adult-to-adult, both sides can feel as if they are walking an emotional tightrope,” she wrote.

What do you think? Is it a good idea for adult children to move back in with their parents? Should they pay rent and contribute to household expenses? Is it OK for parents to establish rules for these 20-something adults in their households? How long should they continue living at home?

To observe Father’s Day, newspapers and other media published and broadcasted a flurry of dad-related stories over the weekend. Many of them, focused on how fathers have changed over the years – how many of them are becoming more involved with their children, especially in the past decade.

Several articles cited statistics from a 2009 survey conducted by the National Center for Fathering and the National PTA:

• 54 percent take their kids to school once or twice a month, up from 38 percent (compared to 1999)

• 45 percent attend class events, up from 34 percent

• 41 percent visit their child’s classroom once or twice a month, up from 30 percent

• 28 percent volunteer at school, up from 20 percent

• 75 percent help kids with extracurricular activities, up from 71 percent

• 78 percent help with homework, up from 74 percent

• 55 percent read to their kids, the same as in 1999

 Experts often talk about the importance of bonding with a newborn and how this often promotes closer attachment as a child develops and grows. The focus is often on the moms, although more attention is being paid to fathers, according to  Dr. William Sears, pediatrician, author and one of the leading proponents of attachment parenting, wrote about the dad’s role:

In recent years fathers, too, have been the subject of bonding research and have even merited a special term for the father- infant relationship at birth—”engrossment.” We used to talk about father involvement; now it’s father engrossment—meaning involvement to a higher degree. Engrossment is not only what the father does for the baby— holding and comforting—but also what the baby does for the father. Bonding with baby right after birth brings out sensitivity in dad.

 I wonder, however, if dads are often given this opportunity. Many fathers I know were able to take a week off from work after the birth of a child, but most usually have to rush back to work a day or two after baby comes home. Many also can’t afford to take time off, even though the Family Medical Leave Act allows parents to take up to 12 weeks unpaid leave.

How much time were you able to spend with your child at home before going back to work?

A recent story I wrote about art parties for birthdays prompted a reader named Annie to send me an e-mail this week. She thinks there’s way too much pressure out there for parents. So she advises moms like me to chill out and not worry so much about these kids’ events. She made me laugh and I found her perspective refreshing…

“You probably hear this from us old curmudgeons all the time but I am constantly appalled by what parents go through for small children’s events and also by the way children today feel entitled to being treated as the center of all adults’ universe. I see a direct correlation.

Planning the party for small children:

1. Let the child pick a cake out of a cookbook (a book with nice photos, a cake that is cute but not too difficult to make) and help him or her make it.

2. Invite as many true friends as your house will hold. (If you have a large yard and the weather will be nice, as in Spokane, this can be more in good weather.)

3. Include schoolmates, relatives, neighbors but they must be true friends; exclude those who aren’t. You are the parent; don’t be a wuss here; stick up for your child’s true friends on this one day for goodness sake. No “whole class,” or your sister will be mad if her brat isn’t included.

4. Get out the sacred games that are only played once a year: Pin the tale on the donkey, drop the clothespins in the bottle, etc. You may not use this as a lesson on donkeys, milk in bottles or clothes on lines; if you don’t have them, find them or improvise.

5. Do not let the child give out the invitations; do it yourself. Really! Up until the children reach the age of 5, a parent may wish to come; another reason to keep it small. Encourage them. Have “mommy and daddy” punch. It will be fun.

6. All you need to buy is cake and frosting ingredients, ice cream, plates and cups, juice and milk, plastic forks and spoons, and a prize for each game (optional; and don’t buy Dollar store crap).

The Party:

1. Have something for the children to do as they straggle in with their presents and perhaps a parent (just like an adult party!). If the weather is nice an outdoor game like Red Light Green Light, Statues, or Captain May I will keep them moving and out of trouble (you may have to ask an elderly relative how to play). If they must be indoors make sure all electronics are unplugged and ask parents not to take any cell phone calls except emergencies. Hustle them out the front door saying “I’m sure you need your privacy” if they start a conversation. Do not even think about letting anyone watch a video. Unplug! Flip a switch.
2. Give 15 minutes for everyone to get there so the neighbor kids and relatives and school friends are all playing together and then assemble inside (or stay out) and play one of the other games.
3. You should be able to take it from here! Play games, eat cake, open presents, have some punch; there should be a nice flow to the party. The kids’ energy level will tell you when they need to calm down, when they’re bored and need a change. If they’re tired enough to sit down, sit them in a circle and let them play Telephone. (You can call it cell phone.) The party can be short! These are young children. Kick them out before all the presents are broken!

When my son looks back on his birthdays, those early ones were the most fun. He still remembers the Betty Crocker cookbook, where he pored over the photos, trying to choose the perfect cake, and the simple games, and my neighbors remember the “mommy punch” (no daddies came in those days). 

 Remember the sad sad birthday party Steve Martin creates for his son in Parenthood?

 The children who expect elaborate parties also expect their first job to be fulfilling and rewarding and pay well. I think we need to prepare children better for the real world. Sometimes you have to walk for miles and eat beans!”

As more couples wait a few years before having children, some are finding themselves caught between raising their own kids and caring for aging parents.

These adults are among the 10 to 16 million Americans who belong to the Sandwich Generation – people in their 30s and 40s who are “sandwiched” between the needs of their young children and their elderly parents.

Many are overwhelmed by this challenge, especially couples who work full-time. Even if the parent doesn’t live with you, it still takes time, energy and financial resources.

My husband and I have young children – 5 and almost 3. My mother-in-law is 83 and was diagnosed earlier this year with stage four lung cancer. When we got married almost 10 years ago, I figured we would have children. But I wasn’t quite prepared to shoulder the responsibility of having an older parent.  

Statistics show that one out of every eight Americans is “stuck in the middle,” too.

Are you part of the Sandwich Generation? What are your biggest challenges? Where do you go for support?

Need help from you do-it-yourselfers.  We have a laundryoom closet that needs some sort of cover.  We did not reinstall the bi-fold doors becuase it would have required drilling holes in our new tiled floor.  One option is a curtain rod.  Have any other ideas?

Continue reading Closet Tip Needed »

The other day, while playing in the yard, my 5-year-old son took a tent stake and started punching holes into a cardboard box. He wasn’t hurting his little sister or property, I figured, so I just allowed him to continue pounding away. Still, the action seemed very aggressive to me and I wondered if I did the right thing.

I grew up with two sisters so I’m pretty clueless when it comes to raising boys.

I have to admit, there are days when my son seems like an alien to me (I can’t help but think of the creature in the movie “Lilo and Stitch”). For instance, while my daughter will hold her baby dolls close and rock them to sleep, my son takes them apart and throws them against the wall.

When he pretend plays, swords and other weapons are always involved. There’s war and violence. Someone gets clobbered or loses an arm. Others die horrible deaths.

My son is only 5. Is this normal? Should this type of pretend play be encouraged?

I found an article on boys’ aggression that included this quote from Dr. Joseph Tobin, professor of early childhood education at Arizona State University:

“Calling boys ‘aggressive’ is an attempt to punitively try and control behavior we are not comfortable with. We rarely use this word in a positive way, so when we start by calling boys’ behavior ‘aggressive’ we are already prejudicing how we look at it. Children use their bodies and express their feelings by pushing, grabbing, and fighting. This is age-appropriate for young children — they are in the motor stage of development. Teachers and parents need to help children find ways to resolve these conflicts. But the problem isn’t that boys have these impulses and interests; the problem is that we over-react.”

I’m probably over-reacting to what I perceive to be aggression. But I want my son to be a peace-loving, kind and respectful human being so his actions are sometimes really offensive to me.

What are your thoughts on boys and aggression? I’m especially curious about your perspective on pretend play and where you draw the line when it comes to games that involve war, death and violence? Thanks!

For my family, one of the best things about living in Spokane is having the Spokane Public Library.

Every Monday, we visit the South Hill branch and come home with more than two dozen books as well as a few DVDs. It’s something that my children look forward to every week. Thanks to the library, we have new books to read every night at bedtime and during “quiet time” in the afternoons. And, they’re free.

During the summer months, the Spokane Public Library and the Spokane County Library District offer many activities for kids including the Summer Reading Program.

Here’s how it works: Each child reads (or listens to) 15 books. He or she can also read for a total of 15 hours. When you sign up at the library’s reference desk, they’ll give your children a summer reading log to keep track of all the books they read. Once your child reads 15 books and finishes the log, all you have to do is bring it back to the library to receive some prizes that include a free paperback and admission to Mobius Kids downtown.

You can also sign up online.

The summer reading program includes several special activities for children. Kids can take part in arts and crafts with “Go Crazy With Pipe Cleaners” and “Trash to Treasure” (recycled art), or listen to performances by singer Ruby Devine or local children’s rock band, Jenks. Plus, they can meet and hear readings by authors including local poet Ken Nesbitt or put together a comic book with help from graphic novel author Lars Brown. The complete event calendar is also available online.

Besides the library’s summer reading program, how else do you get your children to continue reading during the summer?

According to 2007 statistics from the Centers for Disease Control, nearly half of all teens drink alcohol. The same report noted that 26 percent of high school students binge drink and that 11 percent reported driving a car or other vehicle during the past 30 days when they had been drinking alcohol.

While illicit drug use has decreased among teens, they still continue to use prescription and over-the-counter medication. In 2006, 2.1 million teens abused prescription drugs, according to the CDC.

Valerie Ulene, a preventive medicine specialist who writes the M.D. column for the Los Angeles Times, recently advised parents that they need to set no-use rules for their teens. “Adults should not only talk openly with their children about the dangers of drugs and alcohol but also articulate and enforce very clear ‘no use’ rules,” she wrote in her latest column, “Parents: Kill a buzz, save a life.”  “Such rules have been shown to greatly reduce the likelihood that teens will use drugs and alcohol. (And the logical assumption is that they’re then less likely to get wasted, be involved in an alcohol-related car accident, etc).”

Some parents, however, have a hard time imposing those rules, she said. They think teens need to learn from their own mistakes and that it’s OK for their kids to experiment. After all, about 61 percent of parents have tried drugs or alcohol when they were young, the director of the Partnership for a Drug-Free America told Ulene.

What do you think? What advice do you tell your kids when it comes to drugs and alcohol? When they ask you if you drank or smoked pot as a teen, do you tell them the truth?

Recently, I polled my friends on Facebook: Should I enroll my 5-year-old son in soccer or T-ball? Or should he do both?

About a dozen wise mothers and fathers cautioned me to think twice before we take on both sports. (In addition to swimming lessons, starting kindergarten and everything else.) Kids needs “down time,” advised one friend. Be careful about overscheduling, wrote another.

Their advice seemed appropriate as I read yesterday’s Spokesman-Review story, “Bedlam rules the day,” which described how crazy spring can be for many families.

One of the families with four children had a busy week ahead of them: two graduations, a graduation party, two baseball games, a track meet and a band concert. Just reading about their schedule made me tired.

For a different perspective, I read a piece by the “Idler,” also known as Tom Hodgkinson, a British writer who has written several books on “idling” including “The Idle Parent.” (Thanks, Paul.)

In Hodgkinson’s essay, which was published last month in The Telegraph, he offered the following advice for parents who aspire to be idle:

 • Have a do-nothing day

• Get into the garden

• Go to the woods or the sea

• Laugh more

You’ll have to read his piece to appreciate the suggestions. He ends with this:  “And we all need to stop trying to be perfect. It is not possible. Let your house be a little messy: it’s polite, as it makes visitors feel good about their own homes. The greatest gift you can give your child is to be happy yourself. Aspire to freedom, not to status or riches. That is true wealth.”

So, parents… How do you know when your family is doing too much?

At our house, the division of labor is almost 50-50. Or at least, that’s what we aim for.

I work part-time and go to night classes. My husband works full-time, but in the evenings and on weekends, he really makes an effort to play with the kids, cook nutritious meals for the family and do his share of the household duties. We try to reach a happy medium, but the midpoint is often elusive. There are moments when one of us gets resentful, but for the most part, we do our best to make it work.

This seems to be a struggle for many couples. In some households, women still do most of the parenting, according to Jeremy Adam Smith, a stay-at-home dad and author of “The Daddy Shift: How Stay-at-Home Dads, Breadwinning Moms, and Shared Parenting are Transforming the American Family.”

In an interview with Lisa Belkin of The New York Times, Smith acknowledged that there’s still little equality at home, even though women and men have sought equal opportunity in the workplace. Fathers, however, are beginning to speak up about family issues, he said. More than ever, they’re spending more time with their children and are part of what Smith calls the “daddy shift” – “the gradual movement away from the definition of fatherhood as breadwinning to one that encompasses a capacity of caregiving.”

Later in the interview, Smith told The Times that he’s not at all against breastfeeding, but the reality during the first year of a child’s life is that breastfeeding can often “be a real obstacle to father involvement.” It’s important for couples to be aware of this dynamic, he said, and to make sure dads are part of the picture.

Here’s an excerpt from his interview, posted on The New York Times’ blog, Motherlode:

“The key, I found out, is to be mindful of this dynamic and of the father’s role as a bridge between the mother’s body and the rest of the world. Handing baby over to Dad helps the baby realize that he will survive without Mom, though the transition can be hellish. I wish we as a culture were better at rituals; it would be good to have a ritual of some kind that would mark this passage, from reliance on mom’s body to ramping up dad’s care. As things are in most families, I think it really comes down to Mom, at a certain point, being able to give the baby to her partner and then just… walk away. The screams die out eventually, and after a couple of weeks of this, dad and baby will be happy enough together.”

Who takes care of the kids at your house? Do you think it’s harder for dads to establish a bond or natural attachment to their infants during those early months? What can couples do to create more equality at home? Should “equality” even be a goal? How would you define “equality” in the first place?

As a toddler, my son ate curry. Not the seriously spicy stuff, but when he was 2 or so, his favorite foods included rice and his grandmother’s yellowish-green, Filipino version of chicken curry.

Even now, he digs ethnic food. But perhaps that’s because it was always part of his diet. But he also loves pizza and the occasional corndog. He’ll eat broccoli but he’d rather have cookies or cake.

Matthey Amster-Burton, a Seattle food writer andauthor of “Hungry Monkey: A Food-Loving Father’s Quest to Raise an Adventurous Eater,” told NPR that many children are actually able to self-regulate so it’s good for parents to let children try all kinds of food – even the ones that are often considered taboo.

The NPR report, “Let them eat sugar: A new guide for feeding kids,” Amster-Burton advised parents “to let their kids navigate the world of  food without getting between them and their plate. This includes providing access to salt, sushi, spices and, yes, sugar.”

Here’s an excerpt from his book:

My daughter’s first meal was supposed to be, oh, let’s say local organic carrots pureed with homemade chicken broth in a hand-cranked food mill. That’s what everyone wants for their kid, right? I swear I was totally planning a feast of that nature when fate intervened and a doughnut fell on her head. …

There’s no evidence that the doughnut caused permanent damage, but Iris, now four years old, does exhibit some peculiar tendencies. In her favorite video game, Chocolatier, she builds a worldwide chocolate empire. Her favorite foods are pizza and burgers, but also sushi and a spicy Szechuan noodle dish. And recently, she had a friend over to play, and after they’d made a mess of the dining room baking pretend cakes, they ran over to me crying out, “We need more garam masala!”

… We have a small, eccentric child. In most ways, Iris eats like a typical four-year-old. She prefers white food, takes her burger plain, and is skeptical of vegetables. But she’s also picky about certain things that are clearly a result of her parents’ food obsessions.

…Iris may be more of a bacon snob than I am, but I think we have the same overall philosophy about food: Food is fun, and you get to enjoy it three times a day, plus snacks.

This made me laugh, but it also hit home. I know childhood obesity is a problem and I do think our culture relies too much on pre-packaged food. But sometimes, a little sugar can’t hurt, don’t you think? Instead of keeping certain foods away from our kids, wouldn’t it be better if we encourage them to try different things and teach them to enjoy it all in moderation?

Laurie Rogers, one of the original members of the newspaper’s Parents’ Council, asked us to post this on the blog:

On May 27 at 7 p.m., Spokane school administrators are scheduled to address the school board about proposed teaching materials for mathematics.

I’m asking parents and teachers to go the board meeting and demand that the district replace its failed math curricula.

Spokane’s current math curricula are “reform,” which means they focus on estimation, writing, calculators, and multiple ways to solve problems. They downplay the need to practice the most efficient algorithms (necessary for advancing in math, and needed in college, business and the trades). They emphasize constructivism (“discovery”) where students work in groups to try to teach math to each other.

In 2008, just 45.9% of Spokane 10th graders passed the math WASL. Many high school graduates must take several remedial college math classes, even arithmetic. For 20 years, parents, math teachers, professors, business owners, STEM professionals (science, technology, engineering and math), and math advocates have fought against reform math. In 2008, the National Mathematics Advisory Panel called for more traditional content and increased rigor across the nation.

Please come to the board meeting. Bring your students and high school graduates. They have the right to be heard. I’ll bet they have a lot to say about their K-12 math experience.

To contact Laurie, please e-mail her at wlroge@comcast.net or check out her blog: “Betrayed.”

Summer can be a challenging time for tweens and young teens. They’re old enough to stay home alone, but many can’t work or find regular activities to do without adult supervision.

Today’s story in The Spokesman-Review, “Keeping kids busy during break on a budget,” acknowledged the fact that so many families this year can’t afford summer camp, which can cost several hundred dollars a week. So what’s a tween to do?

“He’ll read a lot. He’ll draw,” Lee Ann Fleming, whose son is 12, told the Associated Press. “There’ll probably be too much time watching mindless television. I don’t know what else to do.”

Thankfully, youth in Spokane have some options. Although some of the pools will remain closed until later this summer (and will no longer offer free admission to kids), the Spokane Parks & Recreation Department still provides a few affordable options – from two-week tennis lessons to weeklong camps for basketball, cheerleading, soccer and even flag football. The YMCA also has some affordable options including martial arts and hip hop dance.

The AP article offered some practical advice: Coordinate with other parents; find odd jobs such as car washing and dog walking so that the kids can make a little money; check senior centers, soup kitchens and other places for volunteer opportunities.

Another suggestion I’ve seen on several  parenting websites is to organize a progressive play date. Instead of having your kids and their friends in one place, they can spend an hour at your house and then move on to the next house. I suppose this would only work if the play date involved neighborhood kids, but it’s still a way for parents to work together and supervise their children while also getting a few hours to clean the house, run errands or just get a break.

What are your summer plans for the kids?

To celebrate the culmination of high school next month, hundreds of area graduates will stay up all night partying with friends at a bash complete with karaoke, casino-style gambling and raffle prizes that include iPods and gift certificates to local stores and restaurants.

It’s called the senior all-nighter – a lavish party that requires dozens of parent volunteers and many months of planning. For the past year, the parents of these graduating seniors have been selling poinsettias, hosting garage sales and car washes, asking businesses for donations and doing all they can to raise money for the festivities.

Some parents are able to raise as much as $30,000 or more for these parties.

It’s a special night for the kids, they say. It also gives parents peace of mind because they know their sons and daughters are at a fun, alcohol-free event instead of at a keg at some unknown destination. While some people think it’s a good idea and tradition that many high schools should uphold, critics say these parties can be decadent and indulgent, and that the money could be used to help the poor and others in need.

What do you think?

If you have a graduating senior, how will your family celebrate this special occasion? Could you also give us some graduation gift ideas? Is cash the most practical present of all?

Are some people just messy by nature or is it really possible to “train” our loved ones to be tidy?

I was once a neat freak – the kind that couldn’t sit still in a room if there was dust on a shelf or a painting on the wall that was slightly crooked. Before meeting my husband and having kids, I lived in an apartment that I vacuumed every day.

But now, I give up. It’s impossible to stay on top of the mess at my house. In fact, I can’t even find time to do chores on a regular basis. My children know that they have to pick up after themselves, but they don’t always put their toys away. We got rid of a lot of stuff in the past two years, but nevertheless, we still can’t keep our house in order.

Besides hiring someone to clean, I’m wondering if other families out there might have some advice on how to keep their homes neat and tidy. Do your children have a list of chores? How old were they when they started helping out around the house? Do you have weekly routines that you follow?

I’m also wondering, are all little kids messy or is there something I should be doing now so that I can help them be neat and orderly adults?

In some ways, exercising was a lot easier when the kids were infants. First, they weighed a lot less. Second, they napped a lot more. Rides in the baby jogger would lull them to sleep. They also didn’t fuss too much – we gave them snacks and toys and they were content to hang out inside the Chariot, a baby jogger that also can be converted into a bike trailer and cross-country ski pull. (Spokesman-Review outdoors writer and editor, Rich Landers, recently wrote this article about the Chariot and other child buggies, which have enabled many families to continue their outdoor pursuits. That’s my daughter in one of the photos, by the way, and my husband’s knee.)

But things are quickly changing for us. My 5-year-old refuses to sit in the Chariot these days. He wants to run, ski and ride his own bike instead of being hauled around. Of course he has always been mobile, but after half an hour or so, he was content to get a ride right next to his little sister. Nowadays, he’s just way too independent. It’s been great to watch him ski on his own and ride a bike without training wheels, but at the same time, it’s been harder than ever to get any exercise for myself.  Sometimes, getting the kids out and about has become so much work that I’ve resorted to taking turns with my husband and leaving the kids at home instead of exercising as a family.

Experts, however, caution against not including your children in your workouts. Of course you shouldn’t have to push your toddler in a baby jogger for hours if you’re training for a big race, but they should also get the benefit of being outdoors and exercising with their parents, some say.

“This is such a teaching time,” Heidi Hill, author of “Fit Family: The Infant, Toddler and Preschool Years” told the Miami Herald. Parents who are patient enough to include their children in their own sports and workouts become good role models, she said.

Her book is a guide for parents who want to hike, bike, run, cross-country ski and kayak with small children. In the Miami Herald article, she emphasized the need for parents to “persevere through these early years because as the kids get older and more self-sufficient, exercising as a family becomes more rewarding.”

Often, it takes good equipment – the Chariot, for instance, or a sturdy backpack. But most of all, it requires an attitude adjustment. ”It’s just knowing that some days aren’t going to be great, but we’re going to put a positive spin on it,” Hill told the Miami Herald. ”I think people tend to find a lot of excuses — too busy, too much money, the kids are crying. You just really have to educate yourself, and do it.”

Parents with older kids often tell me this: Before long, the kids will be on their own. And they’ll be running, biking and skiing even faster than their parents.

How have you adapted your exercise routines and workouts to fit your kids? What are some of the things that you do at home to encourage your children to stay active and healthy?

Continue reading Is it possible to exercise with little kids? »

A friend who recently took his family to Disneyland shared this great tip with me:

“A dad took a Sharpie and wrote his cell number on his son’s upper arm. So if the kid got lost, all he had to do was show an adult this number, and things would be good.”

Some companies such as Safetytat (“The tat that brings kids back,” is their slogan) sell temporary tattoos for families who fear losing track of their children at the amusement park, the pool, the mall, anywhere where a kid can get lost in a crowd. You could also use the Tat to let others know if your child has a life-threatening allergy, especially during school field trips.

I like the Sharpie idea, for sure. I’ve seen a few parents take their children out on a leash, but I’m a little uncomfortable with the idea and I’m not sure it would work for my family.

What are some of the safety precautions that you take when traveling or vacationing with children?

A recent story on msnbc.com asserts that the children of my generation – those born between 1965 and 1977 – are among the rudest in history.

“Today’s tykes: Secure kids or rudest in history?” claims that Gen X moms and dads have forsaken compassion and empathy in order to ensure that our children have healthy self-esteem.

… By many accounts Generation X may be the most devoted parents in American history. They are champions of “attachment parenting,” the school of child-rearing that calls for a high level of closeness between parents and children, Many Gen-X parents co-sleep with their children, hold them back from entering kindergarten if they feel their children’s emotional maturity is at stake and volunteer at their kids’ schools at record rates. Gen-X moms have been famously criticized by early feminists for dropping out of the workforce to care for their young children.

Yet, their kids are, well, rude. It may be that today’s parents are so fixated on their children’s emotional well-being that they’re teaching them that the well-being of others is comparatively unimportant, says Dr. Philippa Gordon, a long-time pediatrician in Park Slope, Brooklyn, an urban New York neighborhood famous for its dense Gen-X parent population.

I vehemently disagree. Earlier this week, I was at neighborhood park, where my kids played alongside the children of other Gen-Xers. Unlike the example in the story – in which a mom wouldn’t share her son’s toys with another kid because her son started crying – we met parents who encouraged their toddlers and preschoolers to share their trucks, shovels and other playthings. In fact, they went out of their way to make sure my kids were included even though we didn’t know each other.

Many families we know – and yes, they are Gen X parents – emphasize the need for empathy and compassion for others. At our preschool, teachers work hard to build community among the children so that they know how to work together, solve problems together, help each other and show care and kindness – not just to for people but also for materials and livings things in our environment.

What do you think? Do you think today’s kids are really among the rudest in history?

How do you celebrate Mother’s Day when you are a mom and your mom lives close by?

Mother’s Day can be a lot of pressure – especially on dads and adult children. When the holiday comes around – and it’s happening this Sunday – people find themselves scrambling to find the perfect gift. They send flowers, buy chocolates, purchase certificates to the spa, the mall or a restaurant. Gift-givers are expected to spend less this year because of the recession, according to the National Retail Federation, but Mother’s Day spending is still estimated to reach $14.1 billion.

Mother’s Day, however, was never intended to be another occasion to buy Hallmark cards and presents for mom.

When social activist Anna Jarvis began her efforts to establish a national holiday in 1908, her goal was to establish a “day of rest” for moms. President Woodrow Wilson made it happen in 1914. But when people started buying flowers, cards and candy for their moms and making gifts the focus of the holiday, Jarvis became so upset that she started a petition to rescind Mother’s Day, according to this 2008 NPR report, “Mother’s Day Founder Opposed Commercialization.”

“Not one more thing,” I’ve been telling my family for the past three years. I don’t even want flowers. I’m satisfied with homemade cards, maybe a little cake and a couple of hours to myself for a run or a bike ride.

I think Jarvis was right on. Every mom I know could sure use a day of rest.

When parents talk about getting their babies to sleep through the night, crying it out or co-sleeping are the two options that are often mentioned.

A column on Times Online, which is the website for The Times and The Sunday Times newspapers in the United Kingdom, recently delved into this age-old debate. In “How do you get a baby to sleep through the night?” psychologist Tanya Byron acknowledged that “sleep training” can be a controversial topic among parents.

In her article, Byron compared the “cry it out” approach to co-sleeping, which entails comforting the child or sharing the same bed until the he or she can sleep alone.

“Those who subscribe to attachment parenting believe that the primary caregiver should be completely responsive to the child — in tune to every whimper, holding them close and co-sleeping. They argue that co-sleeping is the norm in many cultures and we are unusual in wanting our young to sleep away from us. The ‘cry it out’ lobby varies in the strictness of its approach. There are some who espouse very severe regimes from birth while others offer watered-down versions of this theory.”

Byron also mentioned two other strategies – “controlled checking,” when parents leave the baby in the crib for a few minutes and then return to reassure her or him that mom and dad are nearby; and “gradual withdrawal,” when a parent sits by the crib but doesn’t look or talk to the child until he or she is asleep. Mom or dad is then supposed to move farther away from the crib each night until they are eventually outside the child’s room.

My husband and I tried the “crying it out” method but we fell apart after a few attempts. It just hurt too much to see our baby crying all alone in the crib. As a result, both our kids slept in our bed for a long time. Now that they’re 2 and 5, they still end up in our bed some time before dawn on most nights.

Would I recommend co-sleeping? I think it works for some families. It was the best we could do, even if we sometimes didn’t get a good night’s sleep. (It probably would’ve helped if we had invested in a king size bed.)

Do you have any other strategies to get kids to sleep through the night?  How about strategies to finally get the kids out of our bed?

Some kids “read” the newspaper long before they can actually read. While my husband and I take turns reading the Local and Business sections of the Sunday newspaper, the little ones at my house fight over the full-color Comics section. They love Dennis the Menace and Family Circus. Although they can’t sound out every word, they are able to sometimes figure out the story or joke simply by looking at the images.

Comic strips can actually help children become better readers, experts say. By looking at pictures, they improve their visual literacy skills. They also motivate kids to start reading. According to the Comic Book Project, an arts-based literacy and learning initiative, comic books can “help children forge an alternative pathway to literacy by writing, designing, and publishing original comic books.”

Comics aren’t just for beginning readers, either. In recent years, more classrooms have been using a type of comic book called “graphic novels” to boost literacy and to help improve students’ storytelling abilities.

Last fall, for instance, the Spokane Public Library hosted a six-month program called “Modern Marvels: Jewish Adventures in the Graphic Novel.” The series included several novels including “The Complete Maus: A Survivor’s Tale,” which led author/artist Art Spiegelman to win the Pulitzer Prize in 1992.

So if your kids want comic books, take them to Merlyns in downtown Spokane, Lightning Comics in Coeur d’Alene or one of the three area Comic Book Shops. Saturday is Free Comic Book Day and several stores as well as libraries are giving comics away. Spokesman-Review writer Jim Kershner’s book notes column has all the details.

Are you a fan of comic books? Do you think they help your children become better readers?

Great news for children and breastfeeding moms: Nursing your child in public in now a civil right – one that’s protected by Washington’s anti-discrimination law.

In his article today, “Law protects mothers’ right to nurse in public,” Spokesman-Review reporter Rich Roesler covered the signing into law of a bill that would make it illegal for anyone to discriminate against a mom breastfeeding her child in restaurants, stores, malls, theaters, parks, schools, and other public places.

I remember how horrified I was several years ago when we were at a café one afternoon and one of my relatives told me I could breastfeed my son in the restroom. I asked her, “Would you ever eat your lunch in the bathroom?” When she said “no,” I told her that my son wouldn’t either.

But I wasn’t always so outspoken. I also remember being at the mall one day and feeling so insecure about nursing, that I walked all the way back to the parking garage so I could nurse my crying infant. (That was before a friend of mine told me about the comfortable couches in the ladies’ lounge at Nordstrom.)

I quickly got over my breastfeeding insecurities – especially after nursing both my kids until they were both about 2 ½. But I think some moms are still a little hesitant about nursing in public places. Some say their fears about potential discrimination might contribute to the fact that many women stop breastfeeding before their children turn 1.

Although 41.5 percent of mothers were still breastfeeding their babies at six months of age in 2004, only 11.3 were exclusively breastfeeding and not supplementing with infant formula, according to the CDC’s latest Breastfeeding Report Card.

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends exclusive breastfeeding for approximately the first six months of an infant’s life, according to the organization’s 2005 revised policy statement on “Breastfeeding and the Use of Human Milk.” The AAP – which is made up of about 60,000 primary care pediatricians and other specialists dedicated to the health, safety and well-being of children – also suggests breastfeeding support for the first year and beyond “as long as mutually desired by mother and child.” Breastfeeding also has become a national health goal for the country, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

What do you think about this new breastfeeding law?

Spokane Police are looking for a couple who punched a security guard at Safeway after trying to shoplift about $18 worth of diapers, according to today’s story in The Spokesma-Review, “Huggies theft may be linked to the recession.”

The incident, which happened last week, is a sign of how desperate some parents have become in light of the economic downturn. Unfortunately, this wasn’t an isolated case. In the past month alone, several newspapers and media outlets throughout the country have reported similar stories. Here’s just a sampling:

In Millville, N.J., a Rite Aid employee reported that two men stole $68 worth of store-brand diapers, according to NJ.com.

In the Sacramento area, a woman was caught by police after she walked out of a grocery store with a shopping cart full of baby diapers and two cases of beer worth more than $170, according to CW31, the CBS affiliate in the area.

What happened in Spokane also took place earlier this month in Iowa. According to the Des Moines Register, a woman kicked a grocery store security worker after she picked up two boxes of diapers worth $40. She even had her car parked right outside the store’s front doors. She’s now in jail.

And finally, a letter to the editor of The Nashville News reported how a shoplifting has become so bad that one store clerk said, “We’ve even taken to locking up some of the diapers.”

Disposable diapers are definitely expensive. I remember spending at least $50 to $75 a month – even when buying in bulk at Costco. The news stories prompted me to look in our daughter’s closet, where I found half a package of unused Pull-Ups that our family will no longer need. Is there a place in Spokane where you can donate opened packages such as these? I’m also wondering where these desperate families can go for help.

This excellent piece in The Oregonian – “Two parents, two kids, two jobs … and only 24 hours in a day” – shows in detail the day-to-day struggles of working middle-class families.

The Garretts have to scramble just to survive. Dad works during the day. Mom works a swing shift. They save money by sharing childcare duties and chores but they rarely have any time as a couple. 

Megan takes out the garbage; Tim picks up the mail. Megan dishes up breakfast; Tim doles out dinner.

The upside: The kids are almost always with Mom or Dad.

The downside: The kids are almost always with Mom or Dad, who get precious little time together, and virtually none alone.

The story also includes the following statistic about working families:

In nearly 60 percent of two-working-parent couples with children younger than 5, at least one spouse worked some combination of weekends, evenings and nights, University of Maryland professor Harriet B. Presser found through studying Department of Labor and Census data.

Almost 40 percent of married women said child care drove the decision to work odd hours, Presser reported in her 2003 book, “Working in a 24/7 Economy: Challenges for American Families.”

 Is the economy forcing you and others you know to become tag-team parents?

I’m a fan of hand-me-downs.

Most of the stuff that my kids own – from winter coats and hats to toys — have been used by others. In the last few years, my son and daughter have been the recipients of stylish, gently worn clothing passed down from other families.What we don’t get from friends, we usually purchase at consignment stores and Value Village or find at garage sales during the summer months.

When they outgrow them and if they’re not too worn, we pass the clothes and toys down to other families. We not only save money; we also don’t have to spend so much time shopping at department stores – which can be hassle with little ones in tow. Plus, we get the pleasure of seeing our children’s outfits being worn by other kids we know.

This weekend, families in the region can find some great deals on toys and clothes at the annual Just Between Friends Consignment Sale. The event, which takes place at the Spokane Fair & Expo Center (AG Buildings C and D), happens Friday through Sunday and gives families an opportunity to sell their used children’s and maternity clothing on consignment to other families. There’s a $3 admission charge on Friday and Saturday, but on Sunday, you can get it free and everything left is half price. The next sale after that will be in June.

In the past, we bought a lot of used items from Other Mothers on the South Hill but that franchise is now closed. The one in North Spokane, which was my favorite, is temporarily closed because of a roof collapse this past winter. The Valley Other Mothers remains open. Another store that my friends rave about is Once Upon a Child in Spokane Valley.

Are there any other consignment stores in the area that you would recommend? What percentage of your kids’ clothes are hand-me-downs or were bought used? Do you ever bring clothes to these stores for consignment?

Since I started working part-time from home almost two years ago, I noticed a disturbing trend: I’m constantly on the computer.

I turn it on first thing in the morning after snuggling with my kids, then sneak a peek at Facebook, my three e-mail accounts and breaking news stories several times throughout the day. It’s become part of my “multitasking” way of life – as I care for my kids, cook, clean and earn a living all at the same time.

It makes me insane because there are days when there are no distinctions between my work life and my home life. Although I don’t watch television, I certainly zone out enough in front of my computer screen.

That’s probably why I couldn’t help reading this CNN story, “Why moms are at risk for Internet addiction.” Here’s an excerpt from the writer, Rachel Mosteller:

I’d heard about Internet addiction before, but always assumed it was something limited to socially challenged guys who played too much World of Warcraft. Now it seemed my Internet “habit” was slowly but surely crossing the line. Sometimes I found myself up into the wee hours of the morning, surfing the Web while my family slept. I read the news, kept up with friends, and looked up answers to endless questions. I wrote my personal blog and read dozens of others, just for something to do.

It turns out I’m not the only mama who plugs in and zones out. Coleen Moore, coordinator of resource development at the Illinois Institute for Addiction Recovery in Peoria, says that she’s seeing more and more women coming in for Internet addiction. They’re young, they’re often new mothers, and they’re addicted to blogs, message boards, and Second Life, she says.

… Online, you can pay bills, order diapers, upload photos, and look up possible causes of your kid’s constipation. In fact, you can almost accomplish too much online.

“Ticking items off a to-do list is intoxicating when you feel like you don’t have much control over other parts of your life,” says Parker (and what’s more uncontrollable than life with a newborn?).

Diane Anderson, mom of a 7-month-old in Memphis, knows the feeling. “I started following coupon sites and became so engrossed in finding deals that I neglected the important things, like time with my son, for a while.”

After the Internet, real life can seem, well, unproductive. “When I play with my boys, I feel like I should be getting something done,” says one mom of 18-month-old twins in New York City. “I almost get antsy just hanging out with them, and I take regular breaks to check my e-mail, respond to a Facebook friend request, or order photos from Snapfish. I’m addicted to online errands.”

As I write this, my kids are coloring on the floor next to my desk so I should probably get off the computer right now so we can spend some quality time together…  What’s it like for you? How much time do you spend on the computer/Internet?

When my son was almost 4 and my daughter was 13 months old, our family traveled to Nicaragua for a two-week vacation. Although we had flown before as a family — to Alaska and Mexico and other places with our children, that flight to Nicaragua was the longest trip ever.

We started out before dawn in Spokane and had layovers in Seattle and Houston before finally landing in Managua, where we still had to catch a taxi for the 45-minute ride to our hotel in Granada. It was close to midnight when we finally went to bed.

I share this story because when we embarked on that trip almost two years ago, we didn’t have a portable DVD player or anything electronic at the time to entertain our kids. We brought a few toys, lots of books and a bag of snacks. We also ran around the airport during layover so that our son would get tuckered out and take a nap on the plane.

Now that my kids are a little older, I’m wondering if I’m being too inflexible about the DVD player and other electronics. It’s really hard to travel with kids – on planes, in cars, while towing them in the bike trailer. My kids move a lot more, talk a lot more and nap a lot less. When I shared my disdain of portable DVD players, a good friend of mine just laughed. “What do you want? A mommy medal?” she asked. “Do you really think your kids are better than everyone else’s for not watching a DVD on the plane?”

Another friend sent me a press release about this very topic of traveling with kids and how one company has come up with special activity books. Here’s an excerpt:

Pam Herbert dreaded their annual trip to Florida. She loved sitting by the pool and swimming in the ocean and seeing the relatives. But getting there was something else again with a feisty 3-year-old and restless 5-year-old. Keeping them buckled during the flight was a major ordeal and nobody within ten rows could get a minute’s rest. Lucky for Pam, her sister mailed two i*M Smart fun activity books that made the flight a snap and the rest of the vacation a breeze.

 “They arrived just as I was leaving,” says Pam, a stay-at-home mom. “They saved my life. I highly recommend them to anyone traveling with kids.”

The unique i*M Smart fun books are filled with age-appropriate activities that make them think outside the box. Every child needs one and each i*M Smart book comes with a page of stickers for even more enjoyment! These are not throwaway coloring books. They record a child’s birth and special things they say. Once they are completed, tuck them away for a trip down memory lane later on. They are especially important for twins and triplets to see how alike (or differently) they think.

My friend also referred to a recent interview with the actress, Julia Roberts. Although Roberts’ kids are banned from watching TV or eating junk food at home, they’re allowed to during long airplane rides to help keep them quiet.

Am I being too weird about the portable DVD player? Do I just need to lighten up? What other advice do you have to tame the travel tantrums?