I used to dread going to restaurants with my children. They could never sit still, even if I brought books and toys or paper and crayons. After five minutes, they would want to walk around or stand in the booth and bother the nearby diners. Inevitably, in the middle of a meal, one of them always had to go to the bathroom.

Now that they’re a little older, dining out is no longer quite as stressful as it used to be, but it’s still not easy for them to get through an entire meal without annoying others or making a huge mess. (That’s one of the reasons why I believe in generous tips.)

With Thanksgiving just a week away, I wonder if other families worry about their children’s behavior at the dinner table. A recent Washington Post article, “Mind Your Manners, Please,” emphasized the need for parents to teach etiquette to their kids. But does it work even with young children, especially when some holiday dinners last for more than hour?

In order to figure out how long your child can sit at the dinner table, multiply the child’s age by three, Jennifer Ricciardi, director of the Lifestyle Finishing School, told the Washington Post.

So my 6-year-old might last for about 18 minutes and my 3-year-old for half that time.

What do you do at your house to teach your kids proper etiquette? How do you encourage them to sit still and behave when sitting at the dinner table?

It’s become a common question when planning for family dinner parties, playdates or even when sharing snacks on the playground: Does your child have any allergies?

I always ask. At my daughter’s preschool, peanut butter isn’t allowed. Teachers also offer soy milk to the kids who are allergic to dairy.

Children with a peanut allergy can suffer from anaphylactic shock and die if they accidentally ingest peanut products, according to PeanutAllergy.com. They not only have to be cautious around peanut products but also when they’re exposed to baked goods, candy bars, crackers and other foods and ingredients that are subject to cross-contamination.

According to a story this week in The Los Angeles Times, 4 percent of all kids in the United States have food allergies. An analysis of four national surveys also revealed that the number of children with food allergies is rapidly rising.

The cause of this increase is unclear although one theory suggests that children today live in an overly sanitized environment:

“A prominent theory is the hygiene hypothesis, which is based on the notion that today’s children are less exposed to germs and other disease-causing substances than were previous generations — preventing their immune systems from developing the same responses to protect against invaders,” according to the LA Times. “The immune system then overreacts to relatively harmless substances, causing allergies, eczema or asthma.”

Does your child have a food allergy? How do you ensure your child’s safety when he or she is at school, at a friend’s house or anywhere else you’re not? What can other families do during birthday parties or playdates in order to accommodate for children with allergies?

With the economic downturn and the mounting pressures at school, kids are experiencing more stress these days than in the previous year, according to a new national survey released earlier this month by the American Psychological Association.

Parents, however, remain unaware of their children’s stress levels.

According to the APA, nearly half of teens ages 13 to 17 said they worried more this year but only 28 percent of parents acknowledged this increase.

“It’s clear that parents do not fully appreciate the impact that stress is having on their kids,” psychologist Katherine C. Nordal, APA’s executive director for professional practice, said in a press release. “What we’re seeing with stress is in line with existing research about parents’ perception of their kids’ engagement in risky behaviors. Parents often under report drug use, depression and sexual activity in their children. Now it appears the same may be true for stress.”

Children said the sources of their stress include their family’s financial difficultie and the pressure of performing well in school. The kids also reported they experienced headaches, changes in appetite, difficulty sleeping and other physical symptoms associated with stress.

I wonder if the parents themselves are under so much pressure that they don’t have the time to even consider that their own children are suffering from stress.

What’s the stress level like at your home these days? How has it affected your children? Can you recommend any ways to teach children how to cope with the pressures of their day-to-day lives? What can families do to eliminate stress?

I love math. Really, I do. I think there’s something comforting about the exactness of numbers and the way certain patterns are predictable.

I also love science and teaching my kids about the natural world. That’s why I was a little dismayed to see this Intel survey, which noted how parents feel more equipped to talk about drug abuse with their children than teaching them math and science.

“The survey found that although more than 50 percent of parents rank math or science as the subjects most critical to their children’s future success, they report discomfort talking to their children about these subjects. In fact, nearly a quarter of parents who admit to being less involved in their child’s math and science education than they would like say that a key barrier is their own lack of understanding of these subjects.”

My kids are really little right now so teaching math and science concepts at home seems pretty easy compared to the challenges that confront parents of middle school and high school students.

Do you like math and science? Are you able to help your kids with their homework? What do you do to brush up on your own knowledge of these two subjects?

Laurie Rogers, one of the original members of The Spokesman-Review’s Parents’ Council, requested that we post this information on the blog:

“Spokane Public Schools is undergoing a high school mathematics curriculum adoption process. District administrators have been intentional about inviting public comment before formal decisions are made. Two public forums are scheduled:

Nov. 10, North Central High School, 6-7 p.m.

Nov. 12, Lewis and Clark High School, 6-7 p.m.

 Please consider participating in these meetings - either by offering comment yourself or by notifying your students about these meetings. It could be helpful to the process, for example, if college students and graduates were to reflect back on their high school mathematics classes. Did they get the math they needed for a successful college experience? Did they require remediation in mathematics during K-12 or after they graduated? These reflections would help inform the selection process.

Parents can offer their thoughts on what they want from a high school mathematics curriculum, and also how they prefer this material be presented and taught. They’re welcome to bring their middle school and high school students. No doubt the students have experiences and preferences they would like to share with the committee.

Additionally, business owners and tradespeople can discuss the skills they require from students who complete the school district’s mathematics curriculum.

 Nov. 10 and Nov. 12 are your opportunity to be heard. Because each forum is just one hour long, it will be helpful to bring your comments in writing, just in case there isn’t enough time for everyone. If you cannot make it to the meeting, please feel free to submit any comments in writing to the school district or to members of the school board.

Thank you very much for whatever you can do to help inform the selection process.

Laurie Rogers

At my house, my husband is the fun guy – the dad who lets the kids climb trees, take risks and get a little wild. I’m the nurturer, I’d like to think, but I know my son thinks I’m a little uptight compared to his dad. I like schedules and routine so my husband’s creativity and penchant for risk-taking can sometimes clash with my desire for order and discipline.

Since we’re so different when it comes to child-rearing, we sometimes don’t present a united front to our children. It’s not a huge problem, but it’s something we’re becoming more aware of.

“When the parental unit in a household is weakened due to conflict, it can have a major impact on the children’s sense of confidence and safety,” psychologist Michelle Borba told the Associated Press in a recent story, “What Happens When Parents Clash Over the Kids?” “One minute parents are letting kids have free reign, and the next they are cracking down and afraid to let go. Not only are the mixed signals confusing and frustrating for kids, when the problems end up resurfacing down the road, so do the arguments with your spouse.”

The article noted how parents are feeling more stress than ever, which can exacerbate their differences and lead to conflict. Over time, the friction can take its toll, according to Borba.

Your kids will lose confidence — in you: Conflict leads to loss of confidence and feelings of safety in children, making it more difficult to discipline them but also “harder for parents to soothe a child who is upset or worried,” she says.

Feelings of powerlessness: Parents who feel unsupported by a spouse experience a dramatic drop in the ability to solve problems, search for solutions and communicate effectively — in parenting and in their marriages, Borba says.

Harmful alliances between parent and child: Taking a child’s “side” when two spouses disagree instead of presenting a united front is a protective instinct, she says. “Don’t do it. Doing so not only undermines the authority of the `opposing’ parent, it sets up a dynamic that encourages kids to play you and your spouse against one another in the future.”

Do you and your spouse or partner have similar or different parenting styles? What do you do in order to function as a team?

When a friend of mine found out that she was pregnant, she wanted to tell everyone –friends, family, even strangers on the street. But despite all her excitement, she decided to wait a little while before sharing the news at work.

She knew that her co-workers would certainly be happy for her, but she also worried about the effects of pregnancy on her stamina, taking maternity leave and talking to her boss about her pregnancy.

In this article from DiversityInc., writer Lizz Carroll interviewed several women about this issue and came up a list of do’s and don’ts.

• Wait until past your first trimester. When you break the news to your boss, be prepared by bringing a plan that includes a timeline, a list of upcoming projects and how co-workers will manage while you are on maternity leave.
  
• Remind your co-workers that you are still committed to your job. “A lot of people immediately jump to, ‘Oh she’s pregnant, now we’re going to have to pick up the brunt of her work.’” Jennifer Williamson, vice president of internal communications for Sodexo told DiversityInc. “I think it’s important that you realize that you need to continue to be responsible for your commitments, your deadlines.”
• Plan to take more leave time than you think you’ll need. It’s easier to come back early than to stay away longer.
• After maternity leave, come back to work in the middle of the week. Also, prepare for the day by doing a dry run.
• Figure out whether or not your workplace has a lactation room. If not, make arrangements to have a private room to express milk several times a day.

This piece of advice wasn’t in the article but I think it’s very important: Find childcare now while you’re still pregnant. Don’t wait until the baby is born or even later when you’re heading back to work. Visit as many places as you can and educate yourself about the kind of care you want and can afford.

I also found it really helpful to slowly ease back into work. When my eldest was born six years ago, my employer at the time was very flexible. After a six-month leave, I returned to work only two days a week. I did that for about six weeks and then added two more days for the next few months. I waited until my son was about a year old before I started working full-time again. This arrangement was such a blessing to my family – it helped with the transition, our family’s new schedule as well as with breastfeeding.

What advice do you have for women who are pregnant at work or returning to work after maternity leave?

As a kid, I would always have a pillowcase full of candy after trick-or-treating on Halloween. I would dump it out and sort through my heap, creating smaller piles of KitKats, Hersheys and other candybars. I also would have a miscellaneous pile for Jolly Ranchers, Tootsie Rolls and the littler pieces of candy that I would trade for chocolate with my little sister.

Now that I’m a parent, I’m a little wary of all the candy that ends up in my children’s baskets. My son is pretty good about self-regulating, but my 3-year-old is a chocolate fiend like her mom and would definitely eat her weight in candybars.

So this year, I think the Candy Fairy is coming to our house. I told my daughter she plans to leave a gift in exchange for some of the candy. (We haven’t had the Tooth Fairy over yet, but my son already has had dealings with the Weapons Fairy.)

If you have older kids, you might want to consider heading to KiDDS Dental on Monday (Nov. 2) between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. to trade some of that candy in for cash.

According to this news brief in The Spokesman-Review, KiDDS Dental will pay children $1 a pound for the Halloween candy. The dental office will then donate the candy to U.S. troops through Operation Gratitude. Kids also will get glowing electric toothbrushes.

“Kids can still have all of the fun of trick-or-treating, and now their piggy banks will benefit as well,” Dr. Jared Evans of KiDDs Dental told the newspaper.

Children can bring their unopened candy to KiDDS Dental/EPJ Orthodontics, 1327 N. Stanford Lane, Suite B in Liberty Lake or to KiDDS Place, 506 E. Hastings Road in Spokane.

What do you plan to do with all that Halloween candy at your house?

A friend recently passed along this New York Times article that made me really think about my actions as a parent.

In “For Some Parents, Shouting is the New Spanking,” writer Hilary Stout explores the way some parents punish their kids by yelling.

“I’ve worked with thousands of parents and I can tell you, without question, that screaming is the new spanking,” Amy McCready, the founder of Positive Parenting Solutions told The New York Times. “This is so the issue right now. As parents understand that it’s not socially acceptable to spank children, they are at a loss for what they can do. They resort to reminding, nagging, timeout, counting 1-2-3 and quickly realize that those strategies don’t work to change behavior. In the absence of tools that really work, they feel frustrated and angry and raise their voice. They feel guilty afterward, and the whole cycle begins again.”

Does this sound familiar? While reading the story, I felt as though the reporter was writing about me.

In her article, Stout interviewed parenting experts who said that some parents resort to yelling as a way to release stress especially since so many moms and dads lead such as hectic lives.

Yelling has become the norm in many families, but its effects can still be harmful, according to sociologist Murray A. Strauss. “But it affects a child,” he told the New York Times. “If someone yelled at you at work, you’d find that pretty jarring. We don’t apply that standard to children.”

How often do you find yourself yelling at your kids? What can parents do to curb this behavior?

When most moms think of pregnancy, they have memories of food cravings, weight gain, fatigue, maybe stretch marks and bloated ankles. As much as I loved being pregnant and feeling my baby kick in my womb, there were also moments toward the end when it became so uncomfortable that waiting for birth felt like an eternity. (The 50-pound weight gain certainly didn’t help.)

The experience, I think, makes us tougher in the end. Talking to other moms about pre- and post-pregnancy bodies, I’m becoming convinced that the challenges of pregnancy and childbirth actually make us stronger – not just emotionally and mentally, but also physically.

A recent article from the Times in the United Kingdom explored this theory and found that for some women who already exercise and play sports, “motherhood appears to leave the female body better able to cope with extreme physical demands than ever before.” Medical experts interviewed in this story pointed to several factors: a surplus of red blood cells that are rich in oxygen-carrying hemoglobin during the first three months of pregnancy; an increase in blood volume, which improves the body’s ability to carry oxygen; and also a surge in hormones – more testosterone could increase muscle strength while relaxin, which loosens the hip joints for birth, could also improve joint mobility.

The biggest benefit for some, however, is psychological. The article used the example of Norwegian marathon runner Ingrid Kristiansen, who said the experience of giving birth raised her tolerance for pain and therefore made her a better athlete.

Greg Whyte, professor of applied sport and exercise science at Liverpool John Moores University, said: “Women re-evaluate where they can anchor pain and many psychologists believe that woman’s pain threshold is effectively reset so that when she resumes or takes up training again, nothing ever seems as uncomfortable.”

Moms: What was your experience? Was it tough to get back to your pre-pregnancy weight or did pregnancy and childbirth make you physically stronger? I’m also curious about how breastfeeding might have affected or perhaps improved your performance during sports and exercise.

Poor Falcon. In this YouTube video, as his father gets interviewed by the Today Show, the little boy who was part of the balloon hoax last Friday literally starts vomiting on camera.

His brothers look horrified as he pukes all over them. His mother, meanwhile, finds a square-shaped Tupperware dish and places it in front of her son as he continues to throw up. His dad, however, doesn’t miss a beat and continues the interview.

Why did his parents continue to keep him in front of the TV cameras in light of everything that this poor 6-year-old has been through?

Parenting experts have weighed in on this issue, of course, and several have condemned Richard and Mayumi Heene for telling their son to lie. (According to the latest story from the Associated Press, the Heenes spent two weeks planning the stunt in order to land a reality TV show. The sheriff in Colorado’s Larimer County also alluded that a few media outlets also were in on the hoax.)

What in the world kind of parents would model this kind of dishonesty and attitude that ‘we can use and abuse other people in our lives in order to get a little publicity?’” Dr. Joanne Stern, author of “Parenting is a Contact Sport” told Philadelphia Metro.

Using their kids for personal gain and instructing them to lie “is sort of like prostituting your children for money,” she said.

The Heenes now face potential charges including conspiracy, contributing to the deliquency of a minor and false reporting to the authorities. I hope authorities also recommend counseling for the whole family.

We all make sacrifices as parents. Some of us put careers on hold. Others postpone education, trips and other opportunities. Most of us go without some of the luxuries we once had before kids in order to pay for preschool, save for college, or sometimes, simply to make ends meet.

After a while, we don’t really see these life changes as sacrifices. They’re simply part of having children.

 The Swiss psychologist Carl Jung once said, “Nothing has a stronger influence psychologically on their environment and especially on their children than the unlived life of the parent.”

I don’t really know the full context of that quote, but after reading it earlier this week, it made me reflect a little bit on some of the things in my life that I’ve put on hold.

The quote showed up in a story posted by a reader on the Parents’ Council blog. The article, “Parents: Are They Making The Grade?” explored how some moms and dads “would rather focus on how their kids are stacking up, holding up or moving up, rather than how they themselves are scoring on the parenting scale.” After quoting Jung, the writer wrote: “So live a little; take some learning risks in front of your child; do something each day for pure joy; and stop riding your child’s coattails – ride your own.”

Now I’m left wondering: Is it really possible to simultaneously meet your own needs and fulfill your aspirations while taking care of your family? Are you better off doing one before the other instead of trying to do everything all at once?

Every once in a while, my husband takes my kids to McDonald’s.

We’ve talked a lot about fast food – how it’s fattening, unhealthy, bad for the planet, etc. But it’s no longer a mystery to my kids. At 3 or so, it seemed that both of my kids already recognized the golden arches. And even though my children tried to appease me by parroting my own words, “No, we don’t eat fast food,” I knew they secretly yearned to try chicken nuggets, drink soda pop and play with the little plastic toy inside every Happy Meal.

So despite my best intentions early on, we eventually gave in. Eating fast food is not a regular practice at my house, but like sugar, TV and all the other things I thought we would ban from our household, I didn’t want fast food to be something forbidden that it would almost become an obsession for my kids.

New York Times dining editor Pete Wells did the same thing in his latest column, “Happy-Meal Me.” He actually took his 5-year-old son, Dexter, to McDonald’s.

“For some well-meaning parents, McDonald’s is anathema,” he wrote. “They would no sooner take the family out for Happy Meals than they would let their kids follow the meal with a postprandial cigarette. My convictions aren’t quite that strong, but Dexter’s friend pretty much got it right: Other kids eat there. Mine don’t.”

But when his son asked, “What’s in the food that makes it bad for you?” Wells figured it was time to learn first-hand. His account is quite fascinating, I think.

While we try really hard to eat whole foods at my house, I don’t think an occasional Happy Meal will make my kids fat and lead to unhealthy eating habits. I won’t condone fast food, but I also don’t want to be a snob. In this economy, a 99-cent hamburger might be the only food that some people can afford.

How about you? Do you let your kids eat fast food? Why or why not?

What’s the best way to teach moderation?

“On a windy fall afternoon, dozens of children ran, shouting and laughing, across the lawn at Westview Elementary School, enjoying an exuberant game of tag. The kids had been separated into groups labeled Jeeps, Cadillacs and Corvettes by physical education teacher and cross country coach Sam Compogno.

“Car lot!” he yelled, meaning everyone was “It.” However, one little girl had already forgotten the rules. She looked up at her teacher. “Mr. C. what’s car lot?” she asked.

What looked like after-school play time was actually training for the first elementary cross country meet of the season. “We want to make it fun for them,” said Compogno. “I’m into tricking them into enjoying running.”

It doesn’t take much trickery. Many children are born to run, and thanks to a local nonprofit organization, Active4Youth, Spokane-area elementary students once again have the opportunity to participate in cross country.” http://www.spokesman.com/stories/2009/oct/08/nonprofit-restarts-running-programs/

How imporant do you think after-school sports programs are for elementary kids?

Moms and dads who spend a few years staying at home full-time to care for their kids sometimes worry about re-entering the workforce.

First, there’s a gap in their resume. Second, by staying at home instead of going to an office or participating in conferences and other professional gatherings, they’ve also missed out on networking opportunities.

But most of all, they worry about what their potential employers might think about the fact that they’ve devoted the last few years to their families and household. After all, how do playdates, doing laundry, volunteering at school, cooking meals, driving kids to soccer, etc., prepare you for a career?

Many would argue that parenting and running a household can actually provide valuable training for the work that takes place every day in offices, clinics, newsrooms and other workplaces. Moms and dads who may not be earning a paycheck are using the same skills that are needed in the workforce  – they’re the ones who help organize school fundraisers, manage multiple schedules, volunteer at schools and other community groups, balance the household budget and care for the well-being of people.

A recent blog post at The Wall Street Journal made some parallels between parenting and the business world. Good parenting is like good management, according to Patrick Lencioni, a management consultant and author of “The Five Dysfunctions of a Team: A Leadership Fable.”

Here’s a question for parents who have worked part-time or who have spent an extended period of time outside the workforce to take care of children: What did you learn by staying at home and how did these skills and lessons prepare you to re-enter the workforce?

Lisa Layera Brunkan is a Spokane mom and a co-founder of the Washington Coalition for School Libraries and Information Technology, an organization that advocates for funding of school libraries.

When budget cuts threatened to cut librarian hours at local elementary schools two years ago, Brunkan and two other moms started a grassroots campaign to keep funding for school libraries. They succeeded. Last year, the Washington Legislature included $4 million for school libraries in the state budget after the lobbying efforts of the Spokane moms. Librarians across the country have described the women as “heroes,” according to several media reports including this story from The Spokesman-Review. Earlier this year – thanks to the efforts of these moms – Gov. Chris Gregoire signed a bill that included teacher librarians and school library materials as part of the state’s definition of “basic education.”

This past weekend, Lisa delivered a keynote speech in Washington D.C. at the 2009 School Library Journal Leadership Summit, which focused on librarians as “leaders of 21^st century learning.”

In a recent e-mail exchange, Lisa shared her perspective on the topic of 21^st Century Learning:

At the highest levels of the rhetoric that informs education policy, a debate is raging as to whether or
not there are actually any new skills for the 21st century. The critics maintain that the really important skills are not new; they point to copious evidence that our kids’ ‘core skills’ (like reading and writing) are waning, and they wonder aloud if the ‘movement’ isn’t driven by software and tech companies looking to sell more stuff to young people and schools. On the other side of the debate are those who believe that preparing a student for work and life in this age requires an upgrade that
infuses our existing education paradigm with a focus on problem-solving, critical-thinking, collaboration, creativity and the media literacy that will more closely mirror what will be encountered on the other side of a diploma.  As a parent, I find myself wanting both for this generation of children— core knowledge and applied practice that emulates the world they will need to survive in (read: be employed)….

 Whereas the 20th century gave people the tools for ‘emotional intelligence‘, the hope is that the 21st century leaves us with a ‘tech-intelligence’ that allows people to be effective users of information and technology. …

 We see the school library as uniquely positioned to bridge the educational / technological / information gaps that exist between the 20th and 21st centuries.  At the very center of a school’s culture and curriculum, the school library can be transformed into a vital and vibrant 21st century learning commons. In their work with entire educational communities (students, teachers, parents, and administrators), teacher-librarians have the potential to be strong and effective educational leaders in the 21st century. Far from being obsolete we see the library as a bit of a panacea and librarians as guides for minding this digital gap.

Here are some of the questions that Lisa and the other Spokane moms have been asking parents from all over the country:

1. When you hear the term “21^st century learning” what comes to mind (with respect to your student)?
2. What do you believe should be added to education and what do you worry might be neglected?
3. Are there any new ways of learning and knowing that you believe your student will have to excel in, in order to flourish?
4. Your child is growing up in the demographic that has been dubbed “digital natives.” What does this make you think about?
5. How do you see the school library in this context? How do you see the role of the librarian evolving?

Local author and speaker Deanna Davis was having one of those days. Her baby had spiked a fever and had all the symptoms of a nasty ear infection. Then her toddler daughter came into the room crying and holding her nose. “What’s happened?” Davis asked. “I got a flip-flop up my nose,” wailed her daughter.  More here: http://www.spokesman.com/stories/2009/oct/01/author-finds-laughs-are-best-medicine/

On Oct. 9, Davis, the author of “The Law of Attraction in Action” and “Living With Intention,” will appear the Spokane Masonic Center as part of her Blue Flip Flop Tour. She says, “We are hard-wired to connect with other women in times of crisis or stress.” But adds that the pace of our lives make it difficult to make time to nurture friendships.

Do you make time to spend with friends? How often?

Around our neighborhood, it takes a village to get our children to and from school.

Because some parents have to be at work before the school day begins, some kids stay with other families until the school bus picks them up. After school, some children go home with their friends and their friends’ moms or dads and then later get picked up by their own parents.

It’s an arrangement that’s practiced almost everywhere, but one mom in Michigan actually got in trouble for taking care of her friends’ kids.

Lisa Snyder now faces fines and possible jail time after being accused by the Michigan Department of Human Services of running an illegal day care center, according to this MSNBC story, “Mom ordered to stop baby-sitting friends’ kids.”

It all began on the first day of school when three moms dropped off their children at Snyder’s house to wait for the bus. The kids have regular playdates together. Their mothers, who all had to go to work, left them at their Snyder’s house less than hour before the bus’ scheduled arrival.

Three days later, however, Snyder received a notice from the Department of Human Services. Someone had complained that she was operating an illegal day care center. According to the report, Michigan has a law that says anyone who watches an unrelated child for 28 days a year is running a day care and therefore needs a license. It makes no difference if the child is at the person’s home all day or if he or she is simply waiting for the school bus.

In Washington state, you need to be licensed if: 1) You are caring for a child or children who are not related to you (except a close relative); and 2) The care is on an ongoing, regularly scheduled basis for the purpose of engaging in business. This information is from the Washington State Child Care Resource & Referral Center.

Do you have informal babysitting arrangements with other families in your neighborhood? How often do you rely on your friends and neighbors to help care for your kids?

I try to mind my own business, but every once in a while, I can’t help but say something on the playground when a kid gets pushy or aggressive – especially with other kids.

Even when the child is not my own.

Sometimes the parent isn’t paying attention because he or she is distracted by another child. But once in a while, I meet parents who simply ignore their child’s bad behavior or brush it off with a simple, “Don’t do that,” without actually taking the stick away or making an effort to stop the child’s potentially harmful actions.

On the other side of the coin, I’ve also witnessed other people scold my child. It’s annoying at first, and frankly, a little embarrassing, but in the end, I usually appreciate the fact that they’ve intervened during a moment when I was perhaps too preoccupied or tired to do anything.

A recent poll on Parenting.com asked parents if it was okay to scold other people’s children. Nearly 60 percent of the respondents said “yes.”

What do you think? When you see children misbehave, do you intervene and discipline other people’s children? Or is it better to mind your own business and leave it up to the child’s parents?

So. It’s my son’s 10th birthday and he’s having his first sleepover.
Except. One of his friends has never been allowed to spend the night away from home. That’s cool. Not all kids are ready  for sleepovers at 10. But he so wanted to stay.

Yet this is the deal. My 17 and 14 year-old sons took the sleepover kids to play Night Tag at the park, one block away from our house.  My teens are big boys— one a football player, and they have a cell phone. We’ve lived in this neighborhood for 16 years and never had any problems with our kids playing at the park. It’s only 7:30, but we just got a call from the dad of the kid who’s not allowed to sleepover. He heard from another parent that the kids are at the park without an adult and he’s on his way to pick up his son.

“Spokane is a dangerous city,” he said. “My son only weighs 60 pounds.” What?

My husband walked over and brought the kid back to our house and my sweet birthday boy came home with him. “I can play night tag any time,” he said.

I feel so bad for this child. He’s the oldest of three. We’ve known him since he was five. His parents know us pretty well— my husband is the boys soccer coach. Yet these parents seem to base every decision out of fear. And now I’m worried about this boy, growing up in the midst of such fear.

Am I way off base? This is my fourth son, after all. Maybe I would have been as worried with my oldest. But I’m concerned about this boy, who felt bad enough being the only kid not allowed to spend the night, and now is heartbroken at having not being able to enjoy the park.

Can children truly thrive in such fear-based atmosphere?

We’re an interracial family but since our kids are so little, we have never had an in-depth conversation about race. And to be honest, I really wouldn’t know where to start.

But the topic has come up. While drawing and coloring one day, my son, who just turned 6, said to me, “I’m white.”

My response was automatic: “No, you’re not.”

(Just a side note – do you remember a time when “flesh” was actually a color in the crayon box?)

I’m not sure why I responded so quickly instead of asking him to clarify, which is what I would normally do. I started explaining to him that even though his dad is white, I’m not white, so therefore, he isn’t white, either. It made him a little confused but we both dropped the subject. I just didn’t know where to go from there. I told him it would probably be more accurate to describe ourselves as “brown.”

Earlier this month, excerpts from the book, “NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children,” were published in Newsweek. The book’s author, Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman, wrote about a researcher from the Children’s Research Lab at the University of Texas and her studies on racial attitudes among children. Families who volunteered for the study were asked to discuss racial equality with their children every night for five nights.

Several families immediately dropped out.

“It was no surprise that in a liberal city like Austin, every parent was a welcoming multiculturalist, embracing diversity,” wrote Bronson and Merryman.“But according to (the researcher)’s entry surveys, hardly any of these white parents had ever talked to their children directly about race. They might have asserted vague principles—like ‘Everybody’s equal’ or ‘God made all of us’ or ‘Under the skin, we’re all the same’— but they’d almost never called attention to racial differences.

 “They wanted their children to grow up colorblind.”

 However, through an earlier test of just the kids, the researcher discovered that the children already had discriminatory attitudes about race. “In this supposed race-free vacuum being created by parents, kids were left to improvise their own conclusions—many of which would be abhorrent to their parents,” Bronson and Merryman wrote.

Do you talk to your children about race? Is race a topic that comes up only among people of color or mixed race families? How old should the child be before engaging him or her in this conversation?  How do you start talking to your child about this often complicated and controversial subject?

It’s sometimes hard to compete with screen time – whether it’s a TV show, an interactive website or video games. According to the Kaiser Family Foundation, kids under the age of 6 watch an average of about two hours of screen media a day. Kids and teens ages 8 to 18 spend nearly four hours a day in front of a TV and almost two more hours on the computer and playing video games.

So what can parents do to limit the screen time and encourage children to read?

A recent post on Business Week’s Working Parents blog offered some insights on this issue from Diane W. Frankenstein, author of “Reading Together: Everything You Need to Know to Raise a Child Who Loves to Read.” Here are some of her thoughts and suggestions:

• - A child’s desire to learn to read comes from being read to
  - Children need confidence to be good readers and confidence comes from understanding a story
  - Be creative and find other times in a day – not just bedtime – when reading can happen. How about a poem with breakfast? How about a short story with a snack? How about one chapter with dessert after dinner?
  - A child’s reading will improve the more he or she enjoys reading
  - Keep the love of story alive. While children hone their reading skills, encourage them to return to the picture books and early reads they loved when they were little; you are never too old to read a 32-page picture book!
  - Don’t interrupt the reading of the story with explanations or editorials. A child can easily become annoyed and frustrated with too many interruptions
  - Slow down. Encourage children to read fewer books and know them well. Children need comprehension – not speed – to be good readers
  - Take the “assignment” out of reading to children and put in the pleasure of getting lost in a story together.

Do you worry that your children are spending too much time in front of the TV or computer? What do you do at home to encourage your kids to read?

If a child is spanked at 12 months, he or she is more likely to show aggression as a toddler, according to a recent study conducted at the Center for Child and Family Policy at Duke University. Researchers found that the children who were spanked regularly as 1-year-olds also had lower scores on cognitive tests at age 3 compared to those whose parents didn’t believe in corporal punishment.

Details of the study can be found in this HealthDay report, “Early Spankings Make for Aggressive Toddlers, Study Shows.”

“Age 1 is a key time for establishing the quality of the parenting and the relationship between parent and the child,” Lisa J. Berlin, a research scientist at the Center for Child and Family Policy, told HealthDay.

The researchers examined data on about 2,500 children from low-income families. Here are some other findings reported by HealthDay:

About one-third of mothers of 1-year-olds reported they or someone in their household had spanked their child in the last week, while about half of the mothers of 2- and 3-year-olds reported that their child had been spanked.

 

The average number of spankings for 1-year-olds was 2.6 per week, while the average for 2-year-olds was nearly three.

 

The study found that children who were spanked at age 1 had more aggressive behaviors at age 2 and performed worse on measures of thinking abilities at age 3.

 

Verbal punishment was not associated with negative effects if the mother was otherwise attentive, loving and supportive.

The connection between spanking and cognitive development remains unclear to researchers. Some say that parents who use corporal punishment are less likely to reason with their children, which can hinder development since it’s important for children to learn how to use their words to explain their feelings.

“Almost all the studies point to negative effects of spanking,” Elizabeth T. Gershoff, an associate professor in the department of human development and family sciences at University of Texas at Austin, told HealthDay. Because children tend to mimic parental behaviors, it’s possible spanking “creates a model for using aggression,” Gershoff said. “Spanking is just hitting.”

What do you think?

During a trip to Alaska this summer, I became paranoid of bears.

Part of it had to do with an incident last summer involving a 15-year-old cyclist who was mauled by a bear during a bike race. It also didn’t help to wake up one morning and find a black bear right outside my window – less than 12 hours after going for a run by myself on a nearby trail just south of Anchorage.

My family loves to hike, camp and spend time in the wilderness. There is no other place we’d rather be than the outdoors. But bear mauling stories and other close encounters have made me worry more than usual.

That’s what led me to read every word of Rich Landers’ recent column, “Her son downed by cougar, mother uses weapon at hand.” Earlier this month, a 5-year-old boy from Canada was attacked by a cougar while he and his family were hiking in the Colville National Forest. The boy survived because his mom fought off the cougar.

The boy is recovering, but I wonder about his mom. It’s amazing how that instinct to protect our children compel mothers to become superheroes – this mom was able to use all her strength and courage to pummel a cougar with a stainless steel bottle. I wonder, though, if she will now think twice each time she takes her child out in the woods. I wonder if her desire to share a love of the outdoors with her child will now be tempered by a gnawing fear that something terrible could happen again.

There are all kinds of threats out there in the world and as parents, we have no choice but to outweigh the potential risks with the rewards. This applies not just to hiking in bear or cougar country or traveling overseas for vacation, but also during everyday situations such as letting our kids ride their bikes to school or talking to strangers in public places.

“With freedom comes responsibility and with responsibility comes a sense of accomplishment and true self-worth,” wrote Lenore Skenazy, a newspaper columnist and author of “Free-Range Kids: Giving Our Children the Freedom We Had Without Going Nuts with Worry.”

I’m still a little wary of wildlife encounters, but my fear isn’t going to stop me from taking my kids out in the woods. However, I do plan on taking Rich Landers’ advice: “Kids should be kept close and between adults as much as possible. Cougars and wolves in particular are known to key in on the smallest and most vulnerable prey in a flock, and that means children.”

How about you? How do you make sure your child is safe without becoming an overprotective parent?

If your kids enjoy wildlife and being outdoors, you might consider taking part in “Picnic with the Beavers,” a free, educational event at Liberty Lake County Park on Sunday, Sept. 20.

Hosted by the Lands Council, the 2 ½ hour-long gathering includes an easy hike to a beaver dam; a cultural activity featuring elders from the Coeur d’Alene Tribe who will present a language lesson and speak about the beaver’s significance; and an opportunity to learn about a new project called “The Beaver Solution.” (The Lands Council, a local environmental organization, has proposed to reintroduce beavers to build dams that store spring runoff. The dams, according to the Lands Council’s website, also create wetland areas that retain rain and snowmelt, trap sediment, contribute to cleaner streams, increase ground water levels, and create habitat for fish and wildlife.)

Here are some specifics:

WHAT: Picnic with the Beavers

WHEN: Sunday, Sept. 20, 12:30 p.m. to 3 p.m.

WHERE: Liberty Lake County Park, 3707 S. Zephyr Road

OTHER INFO: Light snacks and drinks will be provided but please pack a picnic lunch to enjoy before the hike. Bring binoculars to spot the beavers.

RSVP: RSVP@landscouncil.org

MORE INFORMATION: www.landscouncil.org/events

Parents: How do you teach your children about science, nature and local environmental issues?

I’m not really sure what I did before having children. I know I had lots of fun and did a bit of traveling, but looking back, it’s not clear to me anymore what I did with all my free time. I know I read a lot more and of course, slept a lot more, but I must have taken all that time for granted.

Children change everything – from the way we eat and the schedules of our day-to-day lives to our values and the goals we have for the future.

I also think kids can change us for the better. I’m not saying that everyone should have children, but speaking from my own experience, having kids has completely transformed my perspective on the world and has helped me become more compassionate and adaptable. It also has given me hope.

These were some of the thoughts that went through my head as I read the latest installment in the San Jose Mercury News’ “Life in a Year” series. For the past year, the newspaper has published a story each month about events “that make each life extraordinary.” This latest story has the headline, “Parenting – one of humankind’s most wonderful, exhausting, scary and multifaceted jobs” and chronicles the life of four families in the Silicon Valley.

I related to these families’ struggle with the juggle of balancing home life, work and personal goals. But it also made me reflect on how I’ve changed ever since I gave birth to my son almost six years ago. Being a mom has taught me how to multitask in ways I never imagined. It has taught me endurance and strength that I’ve been able to apply to other parts of my life. From my kids, I’ve learned that it’s also not all about me – that I am responsible for my family and others in my community and that I cannot accomplish much alone. I think I’m also physically healthier because of my kids. Most of all, my children have given me a new lens to see all the beauty and complexity in this world. Like the Mercury News story suggests, parenting is incredibly challenging, but it can be rewarding and lots of fun.

How has becoming a parent changed you, your lifestyle and your priorities?

Sleep remains elusive at my house. My kids are 3 and 5 and even though they start off in their own beds each night, they often end up with mom and dad (or with mom, and dad having to move to one of their beds) by morning time.

As infants and toddlers, they also never took regular naps. Nowadays, they often don’t nap at all.

I’ve become accustomed to staying up late at night or waking up early to get work done. I’ve also stopped struggling against our unusual sleeping habits. By just letting them in our bed, we at least get an extra hour of sleep, even though the quality of sleep isn’t always great.

Looking back, I wish we had bought that king-size bed.

Or, I should’ve been better about establishing sleep patterns. According to a new study, moms and dads who believe in drawing boundaries at bedtime end up with good sleepers.

In “The Juggle,” a Wall Street Journal blog, reporter Sue Shellenbarger wrote about a recent study that indicated how a parents’ beliefs in infant sleep can predict a child’s sleeping patterns. Here’s an excerpt from her post, “Is the Key to Getting Babies to Sleep Ignoring Them?”

If an expectant mom thinks babies who cry at night are suffering distress and need to be soothed and comforted, her baby is likely to have more wakeful, weepy nights later, after controlling for other factors. … Mothers who believed in comforting crying babies at night also tended to be more active in trying to soothe them, holding or feeding them or bringing them into their own beds. These behaviors led to poorer sleep for the babies. … On the other hand, mothers who believed in limiting their involvement were less activist at night and also had babies who awakened less.

I was the kind of mom who would get up several times a night to comfort and nurse my baby – sometimes even waking up seconds before my child started to cry (which now makes me wonder if it was me who woke up my kid up in the first place). We also co-slept, so I didn’t exactly get up. I did this with both children until they were about 2 ½.

I’ve never been a good sleeper myself so I’m wondering if I’ve simply passed on bad habits to my kids.

How much sleep do you get at your house?

Chicken fajitas. Cuban black beans. Sauteed corn and summer squash.

These are just some of the dishes you’ll find at The Lunch Box Project, an online guidebook to help schools serve healthier meals to our children.

The website is part of the “School Food Revolution,” a movement that began with Chef Ann Cooper and supported by organizations and businesses such as the Chez Panisse Foundation and Whole Foods Market. Their goal is to encourage schools to steer away from the usual lunch fare of hotdogs, chicken nuggets and cheeseburgers and to start offering locally grown fruits and vegetables, whole foods and other healthier alternatives.

“The way we feed our kids is a reflection of our values,” Josh Viertel, president of Slow Food USA, said in a press release. “We cannot, in good conscience, continue to make our kids sick by feeding them cheap byproducts of an industrial food system. It is time to give kids real food: food that tastes good, is good for them, is good for the people who grow and prepare it, and is good for the planet.”

This year, Slow Food – an educational non-profit dedicated to promoting sustainability and connecting farmers, cooks, educators, students and others who care about food and the environment — launched “Time for Lunch,” a national campaign to provide kids with real, healthy food. Locally, members of Slow Food Spokane River have organized an Eat-In next Monday, on Labor Day. The gathering is designed to raise awareness of the kinds of meals served to the more than 30 million children who take part in the National School Lunch Program, according to this story from Down to Earth Northwest.

The Eat-In also will give participants the chance to learn more about the Child Nutrition Act, which Congress is expected to reauthorize this year. Slow Food is asking lawmakers to allocate more money toward school meals. Schools receive a cash reimbursement for every meal that’s served, but less than $1 of each meal is spent on actual ingredients, according to Slow Food USA. Instead, the money pays for labor, equipment and overhead costs. A petition from The Time for Lunch campaign wants Congress to allocate $1 more per day per child for lunch. It also wants the government to establish standards for all food sold at school, including vending machines as well as provide funding to teach children healthy eating habits through farm-to-school programs and school gardens.

Here’s some info about the local Eat-In:

TIME FOR LUNCH: An Eat-In for Better Child Nutrition

WHAT: A community potluck organized by Slow Food Spokane River to raise awareness about government funding and the quality of food in school lunches

WHEN: Labor Day, Monday, Sept. 7, 4 p.m.-6 p.m.

WHERE: Comstock Park’s picnic area, Spokane’s South Hill

OTHER INFO: Event includes hands-on activities for kids and an opportunity for parents and others to learn more about Time for Lunch. People can sign a petition calling for Congress to provide schools with the resources to serve real food for lunch. The gathering takes place just before the annual Spokane Symphony concert at the park. Participants can bring a blanket or chair, a reusable plate, cup and utensils and a potluck dish to share. Water and lemonade provided. For more information, contact Karen at karenb092@gmail.com or (509) 570-4541.

What do your kids eat for lunch at school?

People in the Inland Northwest love garage sales. If they’re not driving around rown scoping out other people’s stuff, they’re probably throwing a sale of their own.

For parents, these sales often mean great deals on used kids’ clothes, toys and nursery furnishings. Throwing a garage sale can also be an efficient way to make a little extra money while getting rid of stuff that the children have outgrown.

If you’re thinking of having a sale before the end of the summer or considering selling items on Craigslist and eBay, make sure your product is safe. The Consumer Product Safety Commission recently launched a campaign called Resale Roundup, which now makes it illegal to resell anything that has been recalled by the manufacturer.

“Those who resell recalled children’s products are not only breaking the law, they are putting children’s lives at risk,” Inez Tenenbaum, chairwoman of the Consumer Product Safety Commission, said in a press release. “Resale stores should make safety their business and check for recalled products and hazards to children.”

A 1999 CPSC study found that nearly 70 percent of resale stores sold at least one recalled or otherwise hazardous product, according to the press release.

The commission already keeps an eye on thrift stores to make sure recalled items aren’t being sold. Although it won’t be sending inspectors to garage sales any time soon, according to a recent story from McClatchy News, the Consumer Product Safety Commission’s new law will make sellers on eBay or Craigslist more accountable.

Garage sale shoppers and others who frequently buy items on Craigslist and eBay should also be on the lookout for dangerous recalled products by checking out the CPSC website.

Here’s a list of the agency’s Top 10 most dangerous products for children:

• Playskool Travel-Lite Play Yards (portable cribs)
• Baby Trend Home and Roam (portable cribs)
• Evenflo Happy Camper Play Yards (portable cribs)
• Baby Express Portable Cribs and Play Yards
• Magnetix Magnetic Building Sets
• Polly Pocket dolls with magnets
• Easy-Bake Ovens
• Simplicity Drop Side Cribs
• Simplicity Bassinets
• Hill Sportswear hooded drawstring sweatshirts
• Evenflo Envision high chairs

More than 70 percent of 12- to 17-year-olds own a cell phone, according to a study published this month by the Pew Internet & American Life Project.

As a point of comparison, the survey — conducted in 2008 — noted that 77 percent of all adults interviewed in 2008 were cell phone owners. Teen cell phone use also has increased significantly since 2004, when only 45 percent of teens said they had a mobile phone.

They survey also found that in addition to calling friends, 76 percent of the teens use their phones to send text messages. Girls are more likely than boys to send and receive text messages. Same goes for teens ages 15 to 17.

Last month, Spokane Public Schools joined a long list of school districts (including Central, East Valley and Coeur d’Alene) that enacted policies to ban cell phone use at school except during lunch breaks.

According to a July story published in The Spokesman-Review, students who disregard the cell phone rule will get their phones taken away and only a parent or guardian can get them back.

What do you think about banning cell phones at school? Do you have rules in your household about cell phone use? How old was your child when he or she first got a phone?