Taking A Stand For His Opinion

Reviewing plays and concerts is not a bad job - it gets me out of the house - but apparently not everybody understands the finer points of the job.

“You should stick to the facts,” I have been informed numerous times. “All you have in there is a bunch of opinion.”

Hello? Here’s what a review would sound like if it didn’t have any opinion:

“Elton John performed a song on his piano. It was a song about a rocket person. A guitar player also performed on that song, as did a drummer, although I have no independent confirmation of a bass player. The song lasted 3 minutes and 12 seconds. Then people clapped and Elton jumped around for 6.7 seconds, at which point his hat fell off.”

Here’s the same review, with opinion: “He sang that stupid ‘Rocket Man’ song in his whiny little voice.”

Maybe the latter is a little more opinion than you’d prefer, but the point is: Reviews are supposed to be opinion. They’re practically nothing but opinion. Occasionally a few facts sneak into my theater and concert reviews, such as the name of the play, or the fact that Elton John’s hat fell off, but you can count on the rest of it being essentially a bunch of opinion. I’m a reviewer, for heaven’s sake, not a court reporter.

Here’s another line I hear a lot: “The rest of us liked (hated) that show. But the only thing you wrote about was your opinion.”

Well, yes, but look at the problem I have here. My opinion is the only one that I can discuss with any degree of certainty. I’d be glad to write a review from someone else’s point of view, but the editors would have to shell out big bucks for a brain transplant (which has been suggested by many readers).

Or maybe I could try to interview all 2,600 people at the show and write a review like this:

“Mary Milligan was exceptionally perky as Peter Pan, according to Marge Poteet, 1805 N. Stonewall, although Louise Hinkel, 9783 S. Wodehouse, said that Peter Pan was clearly 40 years too old and 40 pounds overweight and about as perky as a mule. However, the simulated flying was perfect, according to Adam Harley, 1810 E. Widgeon, who said that you couldn’t see the wires at all.

“‘Could so,’ said Edie Hardwick, 1475 W. Grebe.

“‘Could not,’ said Arnold Stern, 3749 E. Pippit.”

I’m not saying it’s fair that my opinion is the only one that gets into my reviews. I’m just saying it’s inevitable, although sometimes I’ll acknowledge differing opinions, as in: “The crowd went crazy, although I personally do not find smacking a watermelon with a sledgehammer to be the height of wit.”

Here’s something else people say to reviewers: “You didn’t like it? I’ll bet you were just in a bad mood.”

That’s a tough one. I had to grapple with this problem last week, when I experienced an attack of nausea during the Peter Nero concert with the Spokane Symphony. I had to ask myself this hard question: “Is it Peter Nero’s endless banging on the keyboard? Or is it the seafood nachos?”

I finally concluded that it was mostly the nachos, thus clearing Peter Nero of most, if not all, responsibility for my gastric disturbances.

This “bad mood” question has bothered me for years. How much does mood affect a review? Is it fair for performers to be judged according to the biorhythms (or gastric disturbances) of the reviewer? Then, last year, this question was put to the ultimate test. I had to go to the Coeur d’Alene Summer Theatre to review “Damn Yankees” five days after I found out that my wife had cancer.

We were scared, depressed and on the verge of tears most of the time. I hadn’t slept for five days. I was not in the mood for a singing, dancing baseball team.

And you know what? I loved that show. I discovered that I could separate what was happening on stage from the turmoil in my head.

I learned something even more important. That show, because it was done so well, actually lifted our spirits when we needed it most. Good art is not hostage to someone’s mood - good art creates mood.

So now, if I come out of a show in a bad mood, I’m not inclined to cut it much slack. Except in cases of seafood nachos, bad art is usually what causes the bad mood.

However, this is strictly my opinion.

, DataTimes