You Suffer Moral Deficiency

Dear Readers: I am on vacation, but I have left behind some of my favorite columns that you may have missed the first time around. I hope you enjoy them. - Ann Landers

Dear Ann Landers: I am a man in my early 60s, divorced and retired. My sister is in her late 50s and widowed. We go to bed together twice a week. This has been going on since her husband died eight years ago. Actually, when we were teenagers, we fooled around a lot but never had intercourse. This is not a love match, but it is sex, and good sex at that.

We both enjoy these escapades, and they always produce a good night’s sleep. No one knows about this, and no one is getting hurt. Or do you think we are fooling ourselves? - No Name, No City, Please

Dear No Name: Sick, sick, sick. If I had your address, I would send you a get-well card.

You say no one is getting hurt? I disagree. While you and your sister are practicing incest, you are denying yourselves the opportunity to have normal relationships. I am talking about marriage.

The fact that neither of you sees anything wrong with such behavior suggests a moral dead spot that is unnatural and revolting.

Dear Ann Landers: The woman I married two years ago was Rubenesque, or should I say “heavy”? I’ve always been interested in large women. I’m one of the many males in this country known as “chubby chasers.”

“Isabelle” went on a strict diet last year at the instigation of her girlfriends, and she is now as skinny as a rail. I am no longer interested in her sexually.

She knew when I married her that I liked obese women, so I’ve concluded that she is more interested in pleasing her girlfriends than me. Isabelle weighed 180 pounds when we married, and she looked fabulous. Now she weighs about 105 and looks like she has tuberculosis. I gave her an ultimatum that unless she gains at least 50 pounds, I am leaving. She is shocked and angry.

Please put out the word that plump women are very desirable to some men, and if a woman is heavy when she gets married, she should stay that way. - Love Those Love Handles in Philadelphia

Dear Philadelphia: The only mention of love in your letter appears in the signature, and that reference has more to do with sex.

Full-figured women will be delighted with what you have written, but I wonder about a relationship based solely on weight. It sounds pretty light to me.

Dear Ann Landers: I have a dear friend who is driving me crazy. I will call her “Tillie.” She and her husband just celebrated their 57th wedding anniversary. They are both 79.

Tillie is upset because her husband’s sex drive has slowed up. She says she is sure he isn’t seeing another woman because he is never out of her sight. I tried to explain that time takes its toll, but she says she hasn’t lost a darn thing in that department and wonders why he has. Can you explain it? - Confidentially Speaking in New England

Dear Confid: A 79-year-old male should not be expected to perform sexually like he did when he was 22.

It’s nice that Tillie doesn’t think she’s lost a darned thing in that department, but I suspect maybe her memory isn’t as good as it used to be.

Excerpted from Ann Landers’ new book “Wake Up and Smell the Coffee,” published by Villard and available in bookstores everywhere.