The Slice Ok, Now We’re Talking Cruel And Unusual Punishment

Forget about the threat of being given a lump of coal.

Cheney’s 4-year-old Calvin Elam came home from preschool the other day reeling from news about a far more disturbing prospect.

He had heard that if Santa decides a kid hasn’t been good he puts coleslaw in that child’s Christmas stocking. Yes, coleslaw. And Calvin had one key question for his mom. “Do you have to eat it?”

Think of it as wassail: A friend observed a Norman Rockwell holiday moment that warmed his heart. Some guy, apparently fresh from shopping, was pulling his purchases on a sled as snow swirled about.

Then our friend noticed. The load consisted of three cases of beer.

Fonzie once was enough: The Nick at Nite prime time lineup has never been more resistible. Those “Happy Days” episodes haven’t improved with age. And don’t get us started on “The Munsters.”

Kidspeak: We heard about a 6-year-old named Brett who, when he sees a hospital helicopter-pad wind sock, calls it a “Birkenstock.”

What’s it like to be Jewish in a region with so few Jews: According to readers, it means regularly hearing unabashed use of an offensive phrase referring to bargaining.

Then there’s the awkwardness of dealing with people who just don’t get it when it comes to the reality that not everyone celebrates Christmas.

Slice answer: If everyone in Southern California wants to be in the movie industry and everyone in the District of Columbia wants to be in politics, what does everyone in the Spokane area want? “For those people to stay where they are and pursue those goals.” - Jim Armstrong

Today’s Slice question: What would be the perfect New Year’s resolution for your fellow Inland Northwest residents?

The big problem with selfimprovement is it tends to take a lot of work. On the other hand, suggesting ways other people might better themselves is easier and, frankly, a lot more fun.

So welcome to The Slice’s New Year’s Resolution Contest.

All you have to do is write down a 1997 New Year’s resolution that you would like to see other people around here adhere to and get it to us by noon on Dec. 26. We want to print a bunch of your responses.

Be sure to include a daytime phone number. There will be prizes.

, DataTimes MEMO: The Slice appears Monday, Tuesday, Friday and Saturday. Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098. Don’t be fooled. Christmasy sweaters alone don’t make people merry and bright.