Get Some Help And Be Strong
Dear Ann Landers: I am a 32-year-old mother of two children, 6 and 9. I have decided to divorce my husband and leave our children with him. We have talked about this for the past year. It’s not an easy decision, but it’s one that I feel is best.
I cannot afford this house on my own. I don’t want my children to have to leave their home, school and friends and lose financial security in order to live with me in another place. I do intend to remain a major figure in my children’s lives. They understand that I will be leaving, and they look forward to visiting Mommy and her new apartment and swimming in her new pool.
Yet I am angry. Society and its standards make me feel like a horrible mother. I have been depressed all my life and have just been diagnosed with major depression within the past five years. My children suffer when Mommy is sad and can’t function. I want them to have a stable life. I also want to salvage my own life. I have dreams, too. I want to be a pharmacist. I want to travel. But do I have to explain my home and personal situation to everyone I meet who asks if I have children?
How do I handle this? I know I need to be strong to face the criticism that is sure to come. I don’t have the luxury a man has when he leaves his wife and children. The woman is supposed to keep the kids in broken marriages. I don’t want to be “the horrible example,” yet I find myself in that situation. Please tell me what you think. - U.M., Mesa, Ariz.
Dear U.M.: If you are doing what you believe is best for yourself and your children, you should not feel that you are not a good mother.
You say you have been diagnosed as having major depression. I do hope you are seeing a therapist and taking medication.
It is going to take a great deal of strength to deal with the criticism. You will need professional help to do it. You must also face the fact that your husband could remarry and there would be another “mommy” in the house.
I wish you luck, dear. You are going to need it.
Special confidential to the West Coast: Happy Birthday, Sis!
Dear Ann Landers: The letter from “One Who Knows in Minneapolis” prompted me to write. My former husband also had an extensive pornography collection, and I was the one sent to a therapist to “get over my obsession.”
I was counseled to tolerate my husband’s “hobby,” until I found he had branched out and was creating his own homemade collection of photographs. He had persuaded our 14-year-old daughter and her friends to pose under the guise of creating modeling portfolios for them. They had been instructed not to tell their mothers.
Finally, I threw the bum out and burned his lousy collection. My daughter and I went to a different therapist to get over our disgust. My husband plea-bargained his way out of charges by agreeing to go to a therapist himself, but he never kept the appointments and eventually moved out of state. All I know is that he’s still out there somewhere with his camera. I don’t think joint counseling would have made a bit of difference with this pervert. Now, what do you suggest? - Texas
Dear Texas: Since you are now free of the creep, you need not be concerned. If, however, he should return to your area, don’t hesitate to warn any woman with whom he becomes friendly to beware, if she has children.
Gem of the Day: A warning to all drivers. He who drinks a fifth on the Fourth may not go forth on the Fifth.