My Response Was All Wrong
Dear Ann Landers: I’m writing in response to “Palm Desert,” the woman whose husband, “Clarence,” made a pass at his 40-something stepdaughter. You recommended that this woman stop talking about it with her friends because it was a private, family matter.
I’m sure you’ll get lots of letters saying you were wrong. I am a 40-something woman, and I can’t count all the inappropriate, incestuous, illegal, horrifying and immoral sexual advances I have encountered. I have kept quiet, and now, I regret it. Those rats deserved the lousy publicity. I should have given it to them.
People like Clarence have been engaging in this inappropriate behavior all their lives, with secretaries, co-workers, waitresses, bank tellers, friends’ wives, real estate agents, neighbors, children’s teachers, students, nieces, stepdaughters and granddaughters. By advocating secrecy, you protect these men and allow them to continue their reign of terror.
As a woman who has suffered this same kind of indignity, I now believe a better idea would be to shine the light of truth on these scum bags and tell everyone in town. Why keep quiet and protect them? - Monterey, Calif.
Dear Calif.: You are right. Hundreds of readers let me know my answer was a turkey. And Thanksgiving is four months away. I’m embarrassed.
Dear Ann Landers: My sweetheart is 73, and I am 71. We both are retired and in good health and love to take road trips. He is a good man, but I am worried about his attitude when he gets behind the wheel.
“Herman” drives a high-powered sports car. Unfortunately, when people attempt to pass him, he takes it personally and thinks they are trying to prove that their car is better than his. Getting angry on the highway can be dangerous these days. You never know who might be carrying a weapon. Whenever this happens, I tell Herman, “Forget it. You aren’t in the Indy 500!” He yells, “I’m a competitor, and I won’t sit back and allow some jerk to cut me off!”
Ann, I’m afraid his unhealthy attitude will cause a disaster one of these days. His anger alone is harmful, but his behavior endangers others, and it scares me. I’m afraid to be in the car when he gets this way.
Can you provide some words of wisdom that might help Herman see how dangerous this type of behavior is? - Highway Hostility and Road Rage in Virginia
Dear Virginia: Herman is a Type A personality. It’s very difficult to reason with these high-strung, apoplectic, semi-paranoid fellows. Tell Herman how much you love him and that you will go anywhere with him but the morgue. Make it clear that any further displays of his “competitive spirit” and you will not do any driving with him for a month. And make it stick.
Dear Ann Landers: I heartily agree with “Maitre d’ in Houston.” I, too, am disgusted with the tacky behavior of restaurant patrons who wear tank tops and cutoffs. Add to that women in hair curlers and men wearing baseball caps backward. And let’s not forget the toothpicks.
Most people are taught manners before they reach adolescence, but obviously, some didn’t listen. - Judgmental in Tampa
Dear Tampa: Not all folks learn manners at home, and some learn from observation. It matters not where they are learned. Good manners are the hallmark of civility.