Second Time Not Always The Charm
Second marriages should be better than first marriages. You’re older and wiser. You’ve done your growing up. You have less to prove. But are they? Or are they like the movie “Ground Hog Day”? You keep reliving the same horrible nightmare over and over again?
Ronnie: “The first time I was married it lasted 22 years. My wife and I decided it was best for both of us if we split up and go our separate ways. A couple of years after our divorce, I met a lady and we started dating for a couple of years. The road was certainly rocky due to psychological problems with this lady and her teenage son. But, I was committed to making the relationship work. To make a real long story short, we finally got married. The marriage lasted two days. Her bipolar manic depressive illness finally did us in.”
Susan: “My second marriage isn’t any better than my first marriage. In some ways it’s not as good. (Such as sex. You can’t compare the 20s to the 40s.) But I’m much happier now than I was the first time around. The difference is that I’m a happier person and much more realistic as to what you can expect from marriage. I was very demanding with my first husband. I expected him to fill all my needs - physical and emotional. I wanted him to be my best friend, lover and constant companion. If we didn’t hold hands in the grocery store, I would be depressed and think ‘something is wrong.’ I had some gaga image straight out of Hollywood of what marriage was supposed to be like and I felt we were coming up short.
“This time around, I’ve spread my needs over an entire support system consisting of my siblings, my children, my friends and my therapist. I don’t need a lot from my husband. I probably don’t get much, but it’s enough. I think he would say the same thing. Another big advantage to this marriage is that we’re financially in a much better place. My first husband and I used to fight over money. Now my husband and I just spend it.”
Jordan: “My second marriage is much better than my first. My second wife is 10 years younger than I am, and that is a big advantage in my mind. I like being the teacher. I like being in charge. It was difficult with my first wife because we were the same age. We met in law school and she was smarter than I was. It wasn’t that she let me know it, but I knew it, and it always bothered me. With my second, and hopefully my last, wife, no matter how old she gets, I’ll always be older and wiser. Whatever she says or does, it’s always ‘Been there, done that.’ I enjoy that.”
Daniel: “I was married to Gail for 15 years. She was a great mother, wife, cook, housekeeper and a wonderful person. I, on the other hand, was a chauvinist, womanizer, hustler, drunkard and all-around jerk. Gail was 17 when we married and the most honest, caring girl I had ever met. That was why I married her. I didn’t know what love was. Our two sons are the only good thing that came from our relationship.
“My present wife, Eve, is all of the above and more. I am lucky to have gotten a second chance. She is the most conscientious, hard-working person I know. How could I not have unending love for this woman, my confidante and partner? She has taught me what love is. She has opened my eyes to all that I missed in my life before we met. I forgot to mention that my first involvement with her was on a bet with a fellow worker regarding which one of us would be able to seduce her first. That was the way I acted before I met her and fell in love. Thank God I won the bet.”
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