Folks, I Am Not Making This Up

Dear Readers: I have printed several letters in this space spotlighting weird decisions made by judges in America’s courtrooms. I refer to them as “goofy judge letters.” I promised a few weeks ago to lay off, but I came across one that is irresistible. Honestly, folks, I am not making this up. It was reported by Joan Jacobson, a reporter for the Baltimore Sun. Here it is:

Thomas J. Bollinger Sr., a Baltimore county circuit judge, wiped out a businessman’s conviction for beating his estranged wife. It seems Charles Weiner needed a “clean record” to join a country club.

Weiner was convicted on a battery charge after a 1994 incident in which he beat his estranged wife’s head into a tile floor, shouting, “I’m going to kill you.” She suffered a concussion and other injuries.

In 1994 Judge Bollinger received a reprimand from a state’s judicial disciplinary board for making insensitive comments during the sentencing of a 44-year-old man who had raped an 18-year-old employee after she had passed out from drinking. Judge Bollinger said the state’s rape law was “too tough.”

I wonder how many judges there are like Bollinger across the country. Despite Judge Bollinger, Baltimore has much to be proud of - one of the nation’s best newspapers, The Sun, and a five-star medical school - Johns Hopkins.

And now hear this: A woman in Baton Rouge, La., sued a nightclub because she choked during a hot dog eating contest. Her complaint was “They shouldn’t have contests like that.”

Can you stand one more? This beauty appeared in the San Diego Union-Tribune:

Carol Roland dropped by to visit Karen Shortell, a neighbor in her apartment building. While the two women were chatting, Karen’s pit bull attacked Carol, biting her on the arms and legs 27 times. Carol, an out-of-work bartender, was faced with medical bills totaling $40,000. She did not sue her friend, however. She went after the owner of the apartment building. Her claim was that the apartment owner knew the dog was “a dangerous menace” but did nothing to warn people about it. Roland was awarded $2.1 million by a New Hampshire jury.

Now for the closer and my all-time favorite. This also appeared in the San Diego Union-Tribune:

Thomas Passmore was working on a construction job in Norfolk, Va., when he thought he saw the number 666, the mark of the devil, on his hand. He remembered the biblical admonition, “If thy right hand offend thee, cut it off,” and proceeded to slice off his hand with a circular saw. Passmore was rushed to the hospital but refused to allow the reattachment, saying he would go to hell if he were reunited with the offending hand.

As time passed, Passmore missed his hand and sued the hospital for $3.3 million for failing to reattach it. The 32-year-old man said that even though he refused to consent to the surgery, the doctors should have called his parents or his sister to overrule him.

I never did learn how this case turned out. If anyone in Norfolk knows, will you please drop me a line?

xxxx