Pass Kindnesses On To Others

Dear Ann Landers: This past June was the 41st anniversary of my father’s death. He was 30 when he died in a farming accident. He left a young widow with four children, ages 1 to 7. This is not about the tragedy of his death. It is about the love and sacrifice that came out of it.

Mom’s only chance to keep us kids together was to accept her parents’ offer to look after us while she went to learn a trade 85 miles away. She went to beauty school while we lived with Grandpa and Grandma. For the next five years, we only saw Mom when she visited on weekends.

My memories are of weekend drives in the country that would turn into an afternoon of visiting and then dinner with one of my great-aunts or uncles who lived on farms in the surrounding countryside. I remember Grandma coming in from her garden during the summer with her wide-brimmed straw hat on, dancing through the living room, happy to have spent some quiet time alone with her flowers.

Now that I’m almost 47, I realize what a sacrifice my grandparents and aunts and uncles made for us. My grandmother was only two years older than I am now when she took us in. They had spent 26 years raising their family and had to start all over again with us. When I recently asked Grandma about it, she simply said, “We just did what we had to do.” - A Loving Granddaughter Who Remembers

Dear Loving Granddaughter: What a wonderful family you have, and how lovely that you appreciate all they did for you so many years ago. I believe kindnesses should be passed on. So now it’s up to you to see what you can do for other family members who may not be as fortunate as you.

Dear Ann Landers: I’m pregnant and due in a week. I also happen to be petite and haven’t gained much weight in my legs, arms or face. I carry straight out, and my belly looks pretty big. I am amazed at the crude comments that are made to me by my co-workers, casual acquaintances and complete strangers in the park and supermarket. Until now, I have been pleasant about their interest in my pregnancy, but I hit my limit yesterday. Please do all pregnant women a huge favor and ask your readers to follow these guidelines:

Never refer to a pregnant woman as “enormous,” “humongous” or “huge.” Believe it or not, she knows what she looks like and doesn’t need to be reminded.

Cutesie names like “Preggers” and “Big Momma” and “Jumbo” are not appreciated from co-workers, strangers, friends or family members.

If she is still around and looks pregnant, it’s safe to assume that she is. It will not make her day if you ask her if she is still pregnant or if she has had the kid yet. Believe me, she is more anxious than you are to have that baby.

She is capable of carrying on an intelligent conversation on subjects not related to her pregnancy. Give it a try and see.

Be aware that the oh-so-clever comments you make about her condition are not original. She has heard them all several times, so don’t expect a pleasant response.

Horror stories of women in labor are not appreciated. Nobody cares about how tough it was for you. Giving birth is the original do-it-yourself project.

A smile and a few kind words assuring her that everything is going to be just fine will go a long way to making a pregnant woman’s day. - Anxiously Awaiting in Berkley, Mich.

Dear Berkley: Thanks for the great guidelines. By the time this appears, you will already have had your baby. I hope everything came out all right.