Shock Those Naughty Dogs
Dear Readers: Remember the condom that whistles “Dixie”? I’ve had some additional correspondence with David Pressman, the attorney in San Francisco who wrote to me about the patent for this extraordinary device, and he has informed me that there are patents on other items that might be of interest to my readers. Here they are:
an electric shocker to put in bushes to deter urinating dogs.
a milking stool that can be strapped to a milkmaid’s rear end.
a chastity belt for bulls.
a mattress with footholds for facilitating sex.
a clothes hanger with breasts.
an armored bra.
flytrap lures with silhouettes of copulating flies.
an electric toilet-seat warmer.
a handkerchief edged in lace, resembling women’s panties, to put in a man’s breast pocket.
diapers for canaries and parakeets.
And now, dear readers, once again, please do not ask me where you can obtain any of these items. I am not in the retail business.
Dear Ann Landers: Are people becoming meaner, or are the advances in communication simply making it easier for us to know what is happening (both good and bad) everywhere?
I just read about a woman in Illinois who was arrested for attempting to cause her one-legged boyfriend to fall and injure himself. The police claimed the 35-year-old woman greased the top of the stairway in their home, hoping that her boyfriend would fall down the steps. The scheme backfired, however, when the woman slipped on the stairs herself and was knocked unconscious. She is now in jail, charged with aggravated battery and domestic battery. How is that for poetic justice? - An Illinois Meanie
Dear Meanie: The last I heard, that woman is still awaiting trial. It will be interesting to find out what happens.
Dear Ann Landers: Since you seem fond of unusual lawsuits, I thought you might use this one. - Henry in Hyattsville, Md.
Dear Henry: I appreciate the item. Here is the story by Philip Pan of The Washington Post:
“A family restaurant chain agreed to pay $53,000 to a former waitress who says she was fired for refusing to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to customers because it would violate her religious beliefs.
“The settlement resolves a lawsuit filed last year in Baltimore by the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission on behalf of a 44-year-old Jehovah’s Witness, who worked only two days at the restaurant before a confrontation about the birthday song.
“Jehovah’s Witnesses prohibit their members from celebrating birthdays, according to the EEOC. ‘It is not part of my worship,’ said the woman. ‘From my study of the Bible, it stems from pagan teachings and the realm of magic … when you apply for a job, you shouldn’t have to put your religion on the line.’
“As part of the settlement, the restaurant agreed to adopt a new religious accommodation policy in which disputes between employees and managers are reviewed at the corporate level. The policy also sets forth a commitment to reasonably accommodate the religious beliefs of employees and specifically notes that requests to be excused from singing the happy birthday song are protected under federal law.”
Case closed.