Of Course, Some Apples Will Always Be Green

So what does Denis Leary think about allegedly making Fiona Apple cry by satirizing her speech at the MTV Video Music Awards?

“Over the years I made fun of Sting, Don Henley, Michael Stipe, all these rock guys, and I’ve run into a few of them and they all have a pretty good sense of humor about it,” the acerbic comedian says.

“I’d made fun of Sting losing his hair. And he said in some interview that when I turned 40 and started losing mine to talk to him then. And now I’m 40, my kids have taken over my act, I am starting to lose my hair, and now the joke’s on me.

“But in Fiona Apple’s case, well, she’s 19, and I guess she just hasn’t developed a sense of humor about it yet. Then again, I don’t know if I was 19 and a rock star, if I’d have a sense of humor yet, either.”

Loose talk

Woody Allen, 62, on having children with 27-year-old Soon-Yi Previn: “Why not? I feel young and full of energy and my parents, you know, are still alive … That’s why I believe having children is a reasonable option for the two of us.”

But he’s still in his salad dressing days

Paul Newman turns 73 today.

In other words, we’re all in the same boat

Musician and avid fly fisherman Jimmy Buffett, on having turned 50 on Christmas Day (in Men’s Journal magazine): “What I know for sure is that there are a lot of smart middle-aged people, but not many wise ones. That comes with ‘time on the water,’ as fishermen say. We could all use a few more minutes out there.”

Sounds like he’s leaping to conclusions

Dancer-choreographer Mikhail Baryshnikov, on turning 50 this Wednesday (in W magazine): “It’s very much the end of my life. I believe in genetics, and my mother died when she was 40. It’s a bit scary, but I don’t think I’m going to hit 60.”

His spring chicken was actually an old hen

Elizabeth Buttle, at 60 the oldest woman to give birth in Britain, was dumped by her 58-year-old lover when he learned her age. “He said it was a multitude of pressures, but until this became public he never knew how old I was,” Buttle said. “I think he thought I was in my early 50s.”

Godfather of Soul, or Grandfather of Soul?

Soul legend James Brown entered a hospital near his South Carolina home to receive treatment for an addiction to painkillers. His agent said Brown, 69, “recently hurt his back and became dependent on painkillers … He tried to do a split, and at his age he shouldn’t be doing a split.”

He saw palmetto, then he was prostrate

At age 61, actor Burt Reynolds donned Rollerblades and pads to prepare for an upcoming role as a hockey coach. “My son said, ‘If you can Rollerblade, you can skate,”’ he tells Entertainment Weekly. “I crashed, I burned, I went into palmetto bushes and trees. But I’ve never had a (stunt) double, and I’m not about to start now.”

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The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Compiled by staff writer Rick Bonino