Talk to trusted adult about parents’ troubles

Dear Annie: My mother is a wonderful businesswoman, but she hangs out with the wrong crowd. All her friends are divorcees who can’t get their lives together. They drag my mom into late nights out, to drink booze and cheer them up when they’re down. Over the past few years, my mom has fallen into their lifestyle. Also, Mom and I share the same car, and I suspect she’s smoking again. And after my dad leaves for work at night, I see her doing a lot of drinking.

We have a good family environment, and until my older brother moved out after high school, I thought everything was great. I’m old enough for Mom to tell me the truth, but when I confront her, she makes up excuses. I know this is unhealthy, and I’ve told her numerous times, but that just makes her hide her problems from me.

I talked with my dad about this, and now I’m worried that he’s falling out of love with her. I figure people abuse drugs and alcohol because they are depressed or are having a rough time, but that couldn’t be my mom. I love her with all my heart. Do you have any suggestions for me? – Lost in the Valley

Dear Lost: You are not responsible for saving your parents’ marriage or correcting your mother’s behavior. This is too great a burden to put on your young shoulders. Your parents need professional help, and we hope they get it soon. You can benefit from talking about this with your school counselor, a favorite teacher or a trusted adult relative who will provide you with emotional support and let your parents know that your concerns should not be taken lightly.

Dear Annie: There probably isn’t any advice you can give me, but maybe you can help someone else.

Last August, I lost my sense of smell. I can’t smell smoke, food, garbage, nothing. I can’t tell if my food is spoiled or if there is a fire in my house. Since then, I have not talked to a single doctor who knew so much as a lick about it, but they gladly took payments from me for their useless consultations. The last place I went, the neurologist told me, “Chew your food properly.” I am 33 years old and know how to chew my food.

I am not imagining this. I found a group of other people (on the Internet) who suffer from anosmia, like me. These are people who either were born without a sense of smell, or who lost it due to an upper respiratory or sinus infection or head trauma.

I would rather doctors be honest and just tell me they have no idea what to do for me, but I am still paying for the useless information the last doctor gave me, and I am furious about it. – Busted Sniffer

Dear Busted: We can understand your frustration, but when you visit a doctor, you pay for the time spent on the examination, whether it helps or not. There is no treatment for anosmia that is known to work entirely, although corticosteroids, surgery, zinc, magnesium and vitamin A all have been tried with varying degrees of success. Sometimes, the sense of smell returns spontaneously, and we hope this turns out to be the case for you. Meanwhile, if you haven’t already, please check out anosmiafoundation.org to see if any new therapies turn up.

Dear Annie: This is for the “Bird-Brained Neighbors” who cover their lawn with bread, waffles and hot dog buns for the local birds. They should be aware that the food also brings skunks. Our neighbors used to empty their cereal bowls and toss uneaten food on the lawn. It took a while to convince them this was causing their skunk problem, but when they stopped, the skunks left. – Nancy

Dear Nancy: Another reason not to turn the lawn into a food court. Thanks.