Annie’s Mailbox: Love the kids, all will be blessed
Dear Annie: I have a 22-year-old daughter, “Jane,” from my previous marriage. She is a senior in college and engaged to “Don,” a 31-year-old carpenter.
Jane and Don have moved in together and plan to marry soon. Don has custody of his two children and is fighting for custody of his 3-year-old girl by a different mother. The older children are an absolute delight – a credit to Don’s parenting. The mother of the 3-year-old neglects the girl terribly, which is why Don wants custody. My daughter loves the children, and they adore her.
Although Jane’s relationship was difficult for me to handle at first (and I voiced my concerns very clearly), I don’t see any choice but to accept it now. If she is happy, I am happy.
The problem is my live-in partner of seven years, “James.” He is vehemently against Jane’s relationship with Don and does not want to have anything to do with the children. They are not allowed to set foot on our property. James believes that accepting the children is not in their best interest, since the relationship between Jane and Don could end and then the children would be emotionally harmed.
Jane has invited James and me to her apartment for Christmas dinner. I want to go, but James refuses. He says he instead will volunteer in a soup kitchen. I think his position is irrational and is causing damage to his relationship with Jane, which was formerly very good. It also makes it extremely awkward when Jane wants to visit me. I’ve tried talking to James and even went to a counselor. James said he would do whatever the counselor said, but the counselor would not voice an opinion. James reads your column faithfully. What do you think? – Caught Between a Rock
Dear Rock: We hope James is paying attention because this is for him: KNOCK IT OFF! There are no guarantees in marriage. For the foreseeable future, these children are part of Jane’s family. If you can accept and love them with an open heart, all of your lives will be enriched.
Dear Annie: I am 46 years old and have been a registered nurse for over 20 years
The problem? I am totally burned out. I would rather eat glass than practice nursing for another 20 years. Suggestions? – Bewilderedly Yours
Dear Bewildered: A qualified career development professional will be able to assess your abilities, uncover your interests and guide you in the right direction. To find someone, try your local libraries, colleges and universities, and also the National Career Development Association (ncda.org) at 866-FOR- NCDA (866-367-6232). Good luck.