Refuse to join in parents’ fights

Dear Annie: I am 23 years old and the youngest of five children. Today, I found out that my father has been having an affair. My mother caught him. Dad admitted to having a relationship with a younger woman and said he wants a divorce.

I grew up with my parents always yelling at each other. Our home was in constant turmoil, so this situation does not surprise me. However, I am confused about my feelings and want to avoid taking sides. I worry how my mother will get through this, if there’s a wicked stepmother in my future, and how we will manage. Part of me is upset with my father, but another part feels sorry for him. I know my mother hasn’t been the best wife. I realize this doesn’t excuse the affair, but still.

My older siblings are concerned about me since I’m the youngest and I still live with my parents. However, I just purchased my own home and will be moving out in a few weeks.

I feel like my world has been turned upside down. Even though I’m an adult and soon will be completely independent, I don’t know how to behave. Please help. – No Need For a Name

Dear No Need: When parents divorce, it is hard on the kids, no matter what age they are. It is important for you to remain neutral and refuse to get involved in their disputes. You can sympathize with Mom without trashing your father. You can be friendly with Dad without letting him excoriate your mother. If they try to force you into the middle, tell them, “Sorry, I’m not going to do that.” You can find help and resources online through Adult Children of Divorce (acod.net).

Dear Annie: I am 12 years old. I don’t have a big bra size, and I have a flat butt. The way I look never really bothered me until this year. “Benny,” a kid in my class, constantly makes fun of me and says I’m flat-chested. His remarks hurt a lot.

My mom says he does it because he likes me, but I beg to differ. I’ve asked him to stop, but then he makes fun of me even more. What should I do? – Confused in Illinois

Dear Confused: First of all, you are not finished growing, and that includes your chest and your butt. In a couple of years, Benny will have to find something else to tease you about – and he will, because he is very interested in getting your attention. In the meantime, put a big smile on your face and tell him that, right now, you are putting all your effort into expanding your brain. Suggest he do the same.