Ex-hubby flirty with son’s wife

Dear Annie: Something happened a year ago that I still find upsetting and cannot stop thinking about. My ex-husband and I both were invited to my grandson’s high school graduation. We both stayed at my son’s home, although in separate rooms.

In all the time I’ve visited my son and his family, my daughter-in-law has never provided sweets, cookies, cakes and the like, but on this occasion, she did. She offered these various goodies to her father-in-law (my ex), and he enjoyed them immensely. He expressed this pleasure by putting a hand on her waist or saying she deserved a hug, and the hug often culminated with a kiss on the lips.

This occurred a number of times in my presence. I felt very uncomfortable witnessing such intimacies, and to me, they were crossing a line. My daughter-in- law seemed a willing participant, although it’s possible she did not know how else to deal with it.

I love my daughter-in-law and don’t know if this was absolutely innocent or if I should have said something. Is this OK? Is my reaction some problem of mine? – Still Upset

Dear Still Upset: It sounds as if your ex is doing some minor flirtation with his daughter-in-law. Trust her to handle it. If she has a problem, she will discuss it with her husband. If she is encouraging it, your son will eventually notice. Either way, it’s generally best if the ex-wife (and mother-in-law) stays out of it.

Dear Annie: My husband and I invited 24 friends to my birthday party. We sent invitations three weeks ahead and requested an RSVP. We stated in the invitation that we would be serving dinner and that gifts were not necessary.

We had to phone a few people, but eventually, we received 20 positive responses. My husband and I shopped, cleaned and spent over $200 on food and drinks. Our first guests showed up an hour late, and one couple arrived three hours late. Three friends came without their spouses, and two couples never showed at all. Three of the late arrivals announced they would be leaving early for other parties. We were left with 10 adults for a dinner for 20.

Is this behavior becoming modus operandi for the 21st century, or do we just happen to run with an inconsiderate crowd? – Deeply Disappointed

Dear Disappointed: Both, we’re afraid. Too many people treat an RSVP as “Reply if You Feel Like It,” and they think only of their own preferences and needs, with no consideration for yours. Here’s the rule: After three attempts, anyone who is invited but doesn’t respond, fails to show up, repeatedly leaves early or is otherwise inconsiderate, is not invited again. Period.