Granddaddy day care

After baby arrives and returning to work looms, many new parents think to call on Grandma for help with child care. But what about Grandpa?

Grandpa? The guy in suspenders sitting on the couch reading the newspaper? The man oblivious to the fact that the sweet grandchildren are shaving the family cat? That grandpa?

Fast-forward to 2006, it’s time to update that grandfather image.

Spokane’s Jerry Jackman, 53, represents a new kind of grandfather. One who feeds the baby, changes diapers and meets the school bus day after day.

And his daughter, Cami Jackman, couldn’t be happier.

“My dad is truly amazing with his grandkids,” she wrote in response to a Spokesman-Review email inquiry about grandfathers who take care of the grandkids. “We are so lucky to have him. I’m especially impressed with his newfound ability to say words like ‘breastmilk.’ “

Jackman says he was always an involved father, sharing in diapering and feeding duties with his own kids, so doing the same for the grandkids wasn’t a big deal.

When Cami’s first child was six months old, she began looking for child care. Costs for an infant hovered around $700 a month. Jackman’s wife (grandma) works full time as a nurse but Jackman, retired from supervising computer hardware services, had time to watch baby Shea.

When Shea turned 2, his parents enrolled him in a child-care program so he could socialize with other children, but Jackman continued to spend time with him and maintain their bond. And when his daughter had another baby, Jackman was ready to do it all again.

Tauren is now 6 months old, and Jackman has been watching him for the past three months. In addition to baby duties, Jackman also gets Shea on and off the bus for kindergarten, and watches both boys until 6 p.m.

Jackman’s not alone. Several stories about grandfathers playing nanny have been featured in newspapers across the country since June when the Wall Street Journal published an article headlined: “Mr. Moms Grow Up: A New Generation of Granddads is Helping Raise the Kids.”

The Journal had asked BabyCenter.com, a popular parenting Web site, to conduct an interview about grandparents providing child care. The Journal reported that 41 percent of respondents said grandfathers were just as good as grandmothers at providing child care.

Jackman admits, though, that sometimes he turns to his wife for advice. He says that Grandma Vicki’s parenting style is “softer” than his. “I take my cues off her,” he said, adding that she will remind him of special circumstances when the kids’ behavior might change, such as when they are tired.

“I know my dad was concerned that he would not love the second baby as much as he loves Shea,” Cami wrote in her e-mail. “He expressed he was worried about his ability to connect with the new baby. But after the first day in his care I think his worries subsided. He’s a natural.

“Every day I would nervously ask him, ‘How was he?’ And my dad would say, ‘Perfect. Good as gold.’ I remember later calling my mom and saying, ‘Why is Tauren so good for Dad, but cries so much when I have him?’ My mom laughed, ‘Oh he cries just as much here for your dad, he just doesn’t tell you.’ “

Even grandpa’s had some tough days.

Like the time recently when he went to meet Shea at the bus stop, but found that his grandson wasn’t on the bus. After some frightened phone calls, the 5-year-old was discovered playing at a day-care center with a friend from school. “That’s my worst nightmare,” Jackman says. “Meeting that school bus and Shea’s not there.”

At times, Jackman says he feels some pangs about not working. “But the rewards outweigh the disadvantages. The rewards outweigh everything.”

His favorite part of the day, he says, is naptime. Not because it gives him a break, but because he loves holding the boys and rocking them to sleep.

“It makes it harder on Mom,” he says with a laugh. “Then they want sleep in bed with her at night, too.”

The family plans to keep Tauren with his grandfather during the day until he turns 2. At that time, they’ll sign him up for a child-care program where he can meet other kids. This suits Jackman just fine.

“Who better to spend time with your children than a grandparent who loves them?” he says. “This is a great chance for grandfathers to get closer to their grandkids, and it’s such a big help to the family.”