Without proof, say nothing
Dear Annie: My son and his wife have been married 10 years and have a young son. I have a wonderful relationship with them and love them very much.
The problem is, I think my daughter-in-law, who recently started her own business, is having an affair with a man 16 years her junior – and to make matters worse, he’s an employee of hers. Although my wife and I live two states away, we visit frequently, and we’ve seen things that would suggest an affair.
If exposure to STDs and the destruction of the family were not enough, the lawyer in me sees catastrophe if this fling evolves into a sexual harassment lawsuit. I want to confront my daughter-in-law privately, tell her of my suspicions and offer my legal help to chart a way out of this mess. Of course, if I am wrong, my relationship with her could be ruined for all time, and this may prevent me from seeing my grandson, an unbearable thought. On the other hand, if I am right, I believe I can be of immeasurable assistance. My wife says I should butt out. Is she right? – What To Do, What To Do?
Dear What To Do: Yes. We know how much you want to prevent a disaster, but you have no proof that your daughter-in-law has put herself in a compromising position, and accusing her is going to cause hard feelings, period. All you can do is make it clear, in general terms, that if they ever need legal help, you will be there professionally as well as emotionally. Because you love them.
Dear Annie: I have a problem with a co-worker. “Debbie” suffered a brain injury in a car accident 10 years ago. I try to understand her behavior but am having a very hard time dealing with it.
Debbie is paranoid and thinks everyone is talking about her. She has a temper and screams nonsense at me, then turns around and asks for my help. She cries when frustrated and throws things when angry. If anyone suggests she calm down, it makes her more upset. She has walked out of work saying she is quitting, then comes back the next day. The boss never holds her accountable.
I can’t take much more. The boss is no help, and my co-workers have no clue what to do, either. Any suggestions? – Out of Ideas
Dear Out of Ideas: We know working with Debbie must be difficult, but please realize that she cannot entirely control her behavior. She has a disability. It might help for you and your co-workers to educate yourselves about Debbie’s particular injury and what, if anything, you can do to alleviate the work problem. Contact the Brain Injury Association of America (www.biausa.org) at 8201 Greensboro Dr., Suite 611, McLean, VA 22102.