In-law drops in; always rude

Dear Annie: I’m a kind, thoughtful person and easy to get along with – unless you’re my mother-in-law. This woman brings out my nails.

Mom lives out of the area but drops by unexpectedly. She’ll sometimes call my husband to inform him that she’s coming, but he forgets to tell me. When she visits, she stays for two or three nights, sleeps on our couch and brings along all sorts of her “treasures” (read: junk). When she leaves, she conveniently forgets to take most of her stuff.

My MIL is currently living out of a truck that my husband gave her and for which she has yet to pay us back. She lives off her Social Security. I wouldn’t mind so much if she helped out, but she sits around playing videogames, watching movies or surfing the Net. When she does make an attempt to help, I end up spending more time undoing it.

All this puts a huge strain on our marriage. I married him, not her. Is it too much to ask that I be notified of her visits in advance? We’re currently in the middle of a move, and yesterday, she just popped up. To make matters worse, I let her peek in on our sleeping infant son, and she talked to him until he woke up. Then he started crying, and it took me 30 minutes to get him back to sleep.

I cannot stand how rude and disrespectful this woman is. If I have to continue living my life with her dropping by, I’m seriously considering allowing some other woman to assume this burden. – Had It in California

Dear Had It: Yes, of course your husband should tell you when Mom is planning to visit. And it would be nice if she didn’t leave her junk behind or wake up the baby (this is common grandparent behavior). Your husband needs to set some boundaries. He must discuss all visits with you in advance, and she is not to pop in uninvited. You might also check into available social services and see if there is help for Mom. It sounds as if she may have some mental health issues.

Dear Annie: My husband and I are in the process of purchasing a house. It seems that every time we mention this to someone, they ask how much it is. On the occasions that I cannot think fast enough to dodge the question, I end up telling them what we are paying, and they then proceed to tell us that we’re spending too much.

How do I politely let these people know our finances are none of their business, and while I appreciate their opinion, I didn’t ask for it? – Fed-Up Home Buyer in Kentucky

Dear Fed Up: First, practice in front of a mirror saying, “We don’t give out that information.” Repeat until it becomes second nature.