Threat of lawsuit can work wonders

Dear Annie: I have worked at my job for seven years. Recently a co-worker pulled me aside to inform me that another co-worker, “Jane,” made references about me being a drug addict and then said my husband was an addict, too. This progressed until Jane was prancing about pretending she was on drugs – her portrayal of me. My friend didn’t know how to react and said she didn’t believe I used drugs, but no one else defended me.

My husband and I don’t even drink alcohol, let alone use anything harder. I do not socialize with Jane, although during shift changes, we have talked and she always asks questions about my family. She never gave any indication that she didn’t like me.

I went to the manager and told her what happened. The boss said she didn’t have any recourse, because she personally did not hear this. Since I see Jane infrequently, I promised to remain professional and not cause a problem. I have been able to maintain this, although at times it is difficult. Jane finds reasons to come to work during my shift. She seems to be provoking me. I am concerned that others may believe her lies. Since we work in a child-related environment, this kind of slander can get me fired. It has made my workplace uncomfortable, and I am considering leaving the job. What should I do? – Attacked in Wisconsin

Dear Attacked: First, talk to Jane directly and firmly. Tell her you are aware of her accusations, you don’t understand why she is maligning you and to please stop. That may be enough. If not, talk to your boss again. You are entitled to a hostility-free work environment. Ask the co-worker who witnessed the mockery to go with you to the boss as backup. You can file a lawsuit against Jane or your company, but slander is hard to prove – although sometimes just the threat of legal action can work wonders.

Dear Annie: I have been married over 30 years and have two terrific children. I thought our marriage was fine, until my husband confessed he has a sexual addiction that’s been going for years – strip clubs, massage parlors and sex with prostitutes, male and female.

My husband wants forgiveness. We are both going to counseling, and he also participates in a group for sex addicts. We’ve both been tested for STDs. I am so confused. I could forgive a drug or alcohol addiction, but I am having a real problem with this. Any advice? – The Faithful Wife

Dear Wife: Forgiveness is difficult, but not impossible. There are self-help groups for spouses of sex addicts, and they can help you find clarity. Please contact S-Anon (sanon.org), P.O. Box 111242, Nashville, TN 37222 and COSA (cosa-recovery.org) P.O. Box 14537, Minneapolis, MN 55414. Good luck.