Annie’s Mailbox: It’s time Mom moves out

Dear Annie: I moved away from home when I was 19 because I couldn’t live with my mother anymore. She was controlling, had double standards for my brother and me, and was just a very unhappy person. As a kid, I always felt I was walking on eggshells around her. I love my mother, but once I left, I never wanted to go back.

After a year of not being able to find work, my mother moved in with my family. She had nowhere else to go, so we told her she could stay with us while she looked for a job. She found a temporary position and has kept it for over a year. The problem is that the company won’t hire her on a permanent basis. She says she is sending out resumes but can’t get an interview because she is 62 years old. Mom makes good money as a temp, but it is not a secure position.

My kids are now suffering the same anxieties I felt as a child. Mom has alienated their friends, and they ask me daily when she is going to move out. I confronted my mother about her negativity and lack of patience, and she’s made an effort, but it’s not enough.

I want my life back, but Mom has no one else. My brother cut off contact and lives in another state. Mom has no friends, because she doesn’t accept that people have faults. How long do I have to do this? I don’t want to hurt her, but why should my family suffer because Mom can’t get along with anyone? – Frustrated in California

Dear Frustrated: Your mother is a healthy adult with a decent job, and you are not responsible for her housing. Tell Mom she is welcome to visit often, but it’s time she had a place of her own. Help her go through the want ads and online listings, pack her up and get her out of there. If she loses her temp job and can’t find another, you can revisit the situation then.

Dear Annie: Can you please ask people to stop demanding “Show your teeth” when taking photographs? Not all of us are lucky enough to have a nice smile, and having our photo taken is already a difficult experience. My parents are the worst offenders. I try to put on my “best face,” but their admonishments make me want to cry. Happy occasions turn into torments of self-conscious embarrassment.

Please help them understand how hurtful their remarks can be. – Shutter Shy

Dear Shutter Shy: You can’t stop your parents from thinking you are attractive. To them, you are. Since a smile is so important in interpersonal relationships, it would be a shame if you spent the rest of your life in self- conscious avoidance. Is it possible your smile is not nearly as awful as you think? Can you check with your dentist and see if the “flaws” can be fixed? It might be worth saving your money to have a smile that makes you eager to “show your teeth.”