Affair couldn’t be more obvious

Dear Annie: After 29 years in a rocky marriage, my husband had an affair with an employee that led to their living together for seven months. When he came home, he felt there was no need to discuss anything, saying it was out of his system, water under the bridge, and that I was to get over it. That was six years ago.

This was hardly my husband’s first affair, but the real problem is, the woman still works for him and won’t go away. For years now, I have been unsuccessfully trying to “get over” her buying him clothes and calling him at home every day and twice on weekends. They discuss everything from what’s on television to projects he can help with at her house. She comes over when I am not home. When he broke his arm last year, she was his first phone call from the hospital.

My husband considers this woman his friend and insists he is just helping her out. He goes to her house to visit her friends when they are in town. He treats her like his best buddy and wants me to stay out of it. They go on out-of-town trips together, often passing through his mother’s town where they stop and visit. The woman takes gifts to my mother-in-law, who likes her, even though she knows everything.

I want this woman out of our lives. At the very least, I want her to stop buying his clothes. I have asked him to refuse her gifts, but he says he tells her if she is out shopping and sees any deals, to buy them. Please give me your advice. – Lost Wife

Dear Wife: Wake up, honey. Your husband is still having an affair – emotionally, if not sexually. Some women are willing to put up with cheating husbands, in which case, there’s no point complaining about the clothes. However, we hope you will consider counseling – for yourself – to help get a better handle on the situation and make some decisions about your future.

Dear Annie: Your answer to “Sleep Deprived in Oregon” was right on. She said her husband suffered from back pain, leaving her to get up every night with their 4-month-old baby.

I’d like to add one additional thought. I am a physical therapist and have been treating back patients for over 30 years. I believe if her husband has the physical ability to make babies, there is no reason he can’t share in the care of that baby. – Just My Professional Opinion in Greensboro, N.C.

Dear Professional Opinion: You aren’t the only physical therapist who shares this opinion. Thanks to all who wrote.