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Does Eminem’s new song about domestic violence glorify it or condemn it?

Mon., Aug. 9, 2010

Video for Eminem’s smash single “Love The Way You Lie,” featuring Rihanna, premiered Thursday  on MTV and VEVO.
Video for Eminem’s smash single “Love The Way You Lie,” featuring Rihanna, premiered Thursday on MTV and VEVO.

It’s hard to forget the haunting photo that leaked out early last year of pop star Rihanna, her elegant face bruised and battered after a violent assault by her then-boyfriend, R&B singer Chris Brown.

Now, she’s appearing in something else shocking, though thankfully fictional: rapper Eminem’s chart-topping “Love the Way You Lie,” a song (and now video) that graphically depicts a physically abusive relationship.

And the debate has begun: Is the song a treatise against (or apology for) domestic violence, or an irresponsible glorification of it? Or, is it something uncomfortable in between?

And how exactly to explain the role of Rihanna, who has said she aims to help young people learn the lessons of her ordeal?

One thing is not in question: The song is a hit, sitting atop the Billboard Hot 100 chart. And well before the edgy video debuted Thursday evening, the lyrics were enough to get plenty of attention.

“Just gonna stand there and watch me burn,” Rihanna sings repeatedly, to an undeniably catchy tune. “But that’s all right because I like the way it hurts.”

As for Eminem, who raps the verses, he makes it crystal clear what the fire imagery’s about.

“If she ever tries to (expletive) leave me again,” he says late in the song, “I’ma tie her to the bed and set this house on fire.”

In between, there’s talk of love being wonderful, until it isn’t. Suddenly there’s pushing, pulling hair, scratching, clawing, biting: “Throw ’em down, pin ’em. So lost in the moments when you’re in ’em.”

In the video, the girl, played by actress Megan Fox, tries to leave. The guy, played by Dominic Monaghan, promises it won’t happen again.

But then he admits he’s lying: “I apologize even though I know it’s lies.”

Rihanna wasn’t available for comment on the song, her publicist said. But the 22-year-old singer, who last year won a Glamour Woman of the Year award in part for her stand on domestic violence, has said it “was something that needed to be done and the way he (Eminem) did it was so clever. He pretty much just broke down the cycle of domestic violence.”

But can it be a teaching tool? That depends on the context in which young people see and hear it, says Marjorie Gilberg, executive director of Break the Cycle, a group that fights violence among teens.

“The danger is that pop culture defines our social norms,” says Gilberg. “We don’t want the message of this song to be that this kind of relationship is acceptable.

“So this song has to be viewed in the context of real information from adults, like parents and teachers.”

Of course, that depends on whether listeners even focus on the lyrics.

Allison Churchill, an Eminem fan in Palm Coast, Fla., says she has friends who never really hear the lyrics to songs they like – “they just like a good beat.” She listened a number of times to “Love the Way You Lie” before she realized what it was saying.

“I thought, ’I can’t sing along to that,’ ” says Churchill, 31.

But she thinks the song could have a positive impact, “if it can hit a nerve with a teenager and prompt them to go talk to someone about it.”

One problem, though, says Break the Cycle’s Gilberg, is that the song reflects myths about domestic violence – myths that lead to blaming the victim.

One is that women enjoy being hurt.

“Do people want to be abused? No,” says Gilberg. “They want to be loved.”

They may put up with abuse, but that’s a different story.

Another myth, she says: The concept of mutual violence. Eminem sings: “But your temper’s just as bad as mine is. You’re the same as me,” and the video shows the actors hitting each other.

“That’s a classic line of an abusive man,” says Terry O’Neill, president of the National Organization for Women. “You’re as bad as me, so it’s OK.

“The fact is, it’s only 2-year-olds and violent men who use violence to get what they want.”

O’Neill thinks Rihanna really is trying to make a contribution to fighting domestic violence – it’s just that in this song, she’s unwittingly glorifying it.

“She’s narrating the story, and she’s not judging it,” says O’Neill. “And so she may not intend to be glorifying it, but she is.”

Diane Maxwell has a different view. The Florida mother sees the song as empowering women who’ve experienced domestic abuse.

“I like the lyrics because they ring true,” says Maxwell, 35. “I’ve heard things like that in my life. This gives people a voice, and tells them, ‘You’re not the only one out there.’ It’s pretty powerful to me.”


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