Give her chance to set things right

Dear Annie: For the past 20 years, I have been fortunate to have four neighbors who have become good friends. We socialize, take care of each others’ houses when one is out of town, and exchange birthday and Christmas gifts. We also have celebrated our children’s milestones.

Last year, “Patty’s” son got married. For several months, she went on and on about the wedding plans, so we were all surprised when none of us was invited to the wedding. She never said a word about our being excluded. We thought maybe the guest list was limited or the groom’s family was given a smaller number of invitations. But after the wedding, Patty rambled on and on about the festivities and showed us all the pictures. It was a huge wedding, and several of Patty’s other friends were in attendance.

Now Patty’s daughter-in-law is pregnant, and she is planning a baby shower. To this event, we are invited, along with her other friends, but we don’t want to go. Although we have known Patty’s son for years, we have never met the daughter-in-law.

Are we wrong to have hurt feelings, or is Patty totally thoughtless? One of these women wants nothing more to do with her. I am sad to think we might lose our wonderful neighborhood feeling. Any suggestions? – Nevada

Dear Nevada: Some people separate their friends and don’t mix Group A with Group B. But whatever the reason, it was terribly insensitive of Patty to prattle on about the wedding plans and show you the pictures. It is OK to take her aside and tell her how hurt all of you were by the exclusion and see if she says anything that will allow you to forgive her. Inviting you to the shower could simply be a grab for gifts, but it also could be her way of making up for the previous slight. How you choose to interpret it will determine the future of the relationship.