Try to forgive failed parents

Dear Annie: I am 16 years old. Right now, I am living with my aunt (my father’s sister). My mother and father have never really been in my life, although I did live briefly with my mom.

My father is in jail for manslaughter and will be out in two years. He and my mother have been writing to each other and have developed a close relationship. Recently, my father proposed, and Mom accepted. She asked me how I felt about it, and I didn’t say anything.

Annie, I don’t know how I feel about it. I’m angry with my parents for not being in my life when I needed them, and now they decide to get married when it no longer matters to my welfare. Please tell me what to do and say to my mother. How can I get rid of the resentment so I can be happy for them? – Left Out Daughter

Dear Left Out: You sound wise beyond your years. You understand the importance of putting aside your anger and resentment, not only for your parents’ sake, but for your own. Try to forgive them for not being the parents you deserved and should have grown up with. If you can accept them as they are, warts and all, it will help you feel less cheated. After all, you seem to have turned out OK in spite of their shortcomings. It might help to talk about this with an unbiased third party – a school or camp counselor, favorite teacher, friend, adult neighbor or clergyperson.

Dear Annie: Like “Help,” I, too, have a husband who refuses to close things. He leaves the house and car doors wide open, and often, I find the refrigerator and freezer doors left ajar. Any bottle or package sits without the top on.

My pleas fall on deaf ears, and if I say too much, he accuses me of being overly critical. I am open to all suggestions. – The Closer

Dear Closer: Leaving the car and house doors open is an extreme version of this problem. Suggest that your husband see his doctor.