Dear Annie: I have been married to an absolutely amazing man for four years. “Jeff” complements me in every way. Where I am weak, he is strong. We have a wonderful baby boy who is the light of our lives.
The problem is, the romance has completely gone out of our relationship. When we were dating, Jeff would constantly surprise me with gifts, short trips and romantic songs and letters. The problem began when I was pregnant. We went from having an active sex life to occasional at best. He said he was afraid of hurting the baby, but he is a nurse and knows better.
At the time, I let things go, believing they would get better after the baby was born. Our son is now 3 years old, and our love life has gone from bad to worse. We never go anywhere together unless I plan it, and we make love twice a month if I’m lucky. I have discussed this with Jeff endlessly, and he insists he is just tired. However, more than once, I have caught him masturbating to pornography.
I admit I’m not as thin as I was before the baby, but I’m still in relatively good shape. I have told Jeff that his rejection makes me feel horrible about myself, and it breaks my heart that we no longer have the relationship we once did. Even on our anniversary or my birthday, he rarely brings me flowers or gives me a card. I went out of my way to shower him with cards on his birthday, and it changed nothing.
I adore my husband, but his uncaring attitude is driving us apart. Can you help? – Hurt and Confused in Kentucky
Dear Kentucky: Some men have a problem seeing their wives as sexual beings once they become pregnant. Instead, you become a mother and are therefore untouchable. It’s also possible Jeff simply wanted a child, and now that he has one, he is no longer interested in having a wife. Whatever is going on sounds like an issue that will require professional help to resolve. Please get some.