Dear Annie: My husband, “Sam,” and I are retired. Two weeks ago, we ran into one of Sam’s former co-workers while out shopping. He seemed quite happy to see her. They kissed hello with a peck on the cheek – no big deal. I told Sam to stay and talk and I’d continue shopping. When I got to the next aisle, I saw a neighbor and we began chatting. From where I stood, I could see Sam and his friend.
At one point, she leaned close to him, took his hand and gave him another kiss, which was more than a peck. She also held his hand a lot during their conversation. Then she wrote something on a piece of paper and tucked it into Sam’s shirt pocket.
When I finished shopping, they were still talking. This woman treated me like I was invisible. In the car on the way home, Sam said only that they were catching up on office gossip.
At home, Sam took his shirt off and hung it in our hall closet before going upstairs. I immediately grabbed it, and sure enough, her e-mail address was on that piece of paper in his pocket. I said nothing and put the shirt back. Soon after, Sam came rushing downstairs and took the shirt with him. When I next saw it, the paper was gone.
Sam has not mentioned the note. In all the years we’ve been married, we’ve never kept any secrets from each other. I feel so betrayed. How do I handle this? – Feeling Betrayed
Dear Betrayed: Give Sam the opportunity to be honest. Tell him you saw this woman slip something into his pocket and you’d like to know what it was, since he hasn’t bothered to mention it. If he tells you the truth, you can talk about how this makes you feel. If he lies, however, let him know you are aware it was her e-mail address, and ask him what, exactly, he thinks he’s doing.