Struck dumb by antisocial behavior

Hi, Carolyn: I was out to dinner with my mom a few nights ago, and we were seated at a table next to a middle-aged couple. I was facing the husband and noticed immediately after sitting down that he was staring at me. I thought perhaps I knew him so I glanced over and realized he was staring directly at my chest! I am busty, but I wasn’t wearing a low-cut shirt.

This man continued to blatantly stare at my chest and look me up and down for the next 20 minutes, until he left. I even made eye contact with him at one point and gave him a disgusted look and that did nothing!

His wife was completely oblivious, her full attention on her BlackBerry. I was so embarrassed and uncomfortable. My mom noticed it but told me to just ignore it and relax.

I really wanted to say something to the man, but I wasn’t sure what would be appropriate or get my point across in the right way. Any advice on how to handle another situation like this? It has happened enough that I am very frustrated and feel completely helpless when it does. – J.

Next time, switch seats with your mom – or ask the host for a new table. You’ll shut the gawker down without so much as a flutter in your blood pressure.

Since it won’t come naturally for you to walk over, take his picture and say, “Look for it on patheticpervs.com,” accept that you have stage fright and take a cue from pilots, Olympic gymnasts and other high-stress performers: Learn to perform under duress through preparation.

Ask yourself what you can realistically hope to do in these situations, then prepare the words, gestures and/or actions. Say your plans out loud in the shower (seriously); repeat them to your friends by telling them the restaurant story and spelling out what you wish you had done. In time, you’ll be able to find the path no matter how rattled you get.