Unkind to exclude SIL from shower

Dear Annie: My 33-year-old daughter is expecting my first grandchild soon. Her friends are giving her a baby shower in two weeks.

My son, who lives near his sister, has a “surprise” new wife who has not been invited. My daughter thinks it would be too stressful to meet her new sister-in-law for the first time at her shower. I think all the female members of the family should be invited, even new ones.

I will be flying in to attend the shower and want to visit my son and his new bride. This means he will wonder why I’m in town. I don’t want his new wife to feel slighted that she wasn’t invited to the shower. I realize I can’t tell my 33-year-old daughter what to do. I just don’t know whether to tell my son that we are coming. – Don’t Like Secrets

Dear Secrets: It is not a lie to tell your son that you are in town to meet his new wife, because that is part of your trip. However, if your daughter truly wanted to include her new sister-in-law at the shower, she could easily make her acquaintance within the next two weeks. She is being unkind, and this could lead to future problems. Please do your best to encourage her to invite her brother’s new wife.

Dear Annie: This is in reply to “Trish,” who sent her guidelines for dating. She said he or she must be employed, own his or her own car, and cannot live with his or her mother or sleep on his or her best friend’s couch.

When I met my husband, he had no job, didn’t own a car and was sleeping on his best friend’s couch. Within a year, he joined the Marines and we were married. After serving in Vietnam, he came home and together we raised two sons.

We have had the most wonderful 47 years. He’s the best husband and father I could imagine: loving, patient and caring. I’m so grateful that I was unaware of Trish’s guidelines and followed my heart – Truly Blessed