Wife won’t share household duties

Dear Annie: My wife and I have been married 42 years, and she plans to retire in a few months. I am unemployed, cannot find a job and consider myself retired already.

I do the grocery shopping and have dinner on the table by the time my wife returns from work, except two days a week when we go out to eat. However, my wife won’t let me touch the laundry, the dishes, the hardwood floors, the bathrooms or the vacuuming. It’s hands off, her way or no way. I know I need some training. I certainly don’t want to use the wrong cleaners on a $5,000 floor. But my wife refuses to teach me and argues when I ask. Our friends often comment on how spotless our house is. I ask my wife all the time what she wants me to do, but she won’t say. Am I supposed to read her mind? I have even asked her to please leave me notes, and the answer is “no.” So my wife has decided to resolve our arguments by sleeping by herself. I don’t feel this helps matters at all. Any suggestions? – Jim in Peoria

Dear Jim: First, please know how refreshing it is to hear from a man who actually wants to do more housework. The problem, of course, is that your wife considers this her “territory,” and she is reluctant to give up control. She believes if you can do what she does, it makes her less valuable and necessary. There is no reason to fight over this. Do what you can and ignore the rest. If she doesn’t like it, let her complain. We suspect she enjoys doing that.

Dear Annie: I understand why “Over-Seventy Attitude” doesn’t care for email cards. Here’s an even more egregious etiquette error.

After attending the wedding of a relative, we received a pre-printed card saying, “Thanks for sharing in our day and for your gift, Love (names).” Not even a personal signature, never mind an acknowledgement of the actual (generous) gift. We would have opted for a personal email any day. – Baffled