Annie’s Mailbox: Separated, wife finds new man

Dear Annie: I am 38 and have been with my husband for 18 years. We have built a wonderful life with great kids, but circumstances led to a separation. I was the one who wanted it. My husband is a good guy, but he just hasn’t been able to give me the love I want. Something is always more important. He now says he’s willing to do anything to make this marriage work. But he’s promised that before, and after a short time, I am on the back burner again.

A few months ago, I ran into a man I hadn’t seen in years. He is divorced. One thing led to another, and, well, you can figure it out. Now, I have two really great guys in my life, and I want them both. My husband is a stable, sensible, great father. My guy friend is fun, sweet and the best lover I have ever had.

I know I am being selfish, and I feel guilty, but apparently not guilty enough to make a choice between them. How do I decide? – Used To Be Sensible in Milwaukee

Dear Milwaukee: There are children involved in this mess, and you should think of them. Ideally, you and your husband would work on this together and make your marriage stronger. It requires that you both get back into counseling, that he sticks to the plan and that you give up your boyfriend. If you are not ready to do that, please get a legal separation from your husband and put a custody and visitation plan into effect while you sort this out. Don’t wait too long. Your husband may decide he is entitled to look elsewhere for happiness, too.