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Annie’s Mailbox: Over the years, friendship has faded

Thu., May 30, 2013

Dear Annie: I am a 32-year-old professional woman and a newlywed. I have been best friends with “Martha” since the first grade, although we began to drift apart after college. But we always talked about our future weddings and vowed to attend each other’s. Meanwhile, I moved to the East Coast, and Martha moved to the West Coast. We stayed in touch and occasionally saw each other in our hometown.

I was not asked to be a bridesmaid at Martha’s wedding, but I traveled to California with my fiance to attend and also went to her bridal shower in our hometown. Very few others did because of the cost and the distance. Her parents told me they were thrilled that I was there.

About 10 months after Martha’s wedding, I married on the East Coast. Of course, Martha was invited, but she RSVP’d that she could not attend. She gave no reason. My first anniversary is approaching, and I have yet to hear any words of congratulations from my “best friend” – no card or gift or even a phone call. I also haven’t heard anything from her parents. Back in my hometown, my mother occasionally runs into Martha’s mother. She has never mentioned my marriage.

I am terribly hurt. It seems clear that Martha doesn’t care about me or want to continue our friendship. I am trying to put this behind me, but I am puzzled that neither she nor her family had the common courtesy to send a note of congratulations. I am thinking of “unfriending” her on Facebook. – Raised with Manners

Dear Manners: Martha was remiss not to send a card of congratulations. But when friends go in different directions – figuratively as well as physically – the closeness tends to fade. It doesn’t mean Martha no longer cares, only that the friendship has become a casual interest. Facebook is actually perfect for that. You can keep track of each other without having to invest any genuine effort.



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