Miss Manners: ‘Bar package’ is wedding’s admission fee

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Included in the invitation to a wedding my family and I will be attending was a request for everyone over 21 to “give the couple the courtesy” of paying $25 for each adult’s “bar package.”

As we have children, we declined purchasing a “bar package,” since we will not be drinking, then driving. And frankly, money is tight, and I’d rather use the $50 for their wedding present.

I was informed we need to pay this, since the couple chose to have an open bar. Basically, they want an open bar vs. a cash bar (which is an option), but they want their guests to pay for it, drinking or not.

They are close family, so I feel stuck. I’ve always thought that would be rude, akin to asking guests to pay for their own meal or charging a fee to attend! Please tell me if I’m correct in thinking this requirement is inappropriate or if I’m overreacting.

Also, how should I lovingly respond? I’ll pay the $50, but my funding can’t give that and a nice wedding gift, too, although it would feel so rude to me not to give a nice gift since they are close family. Suggestions?

GENTLE READER: Well, these people are in no position to consider you rude. Yet they are probably rude enough themselves to complain if they feel shortchanged.

Miss Manners is sorry to condemn your close relatives, but of course they are charging you an admission fee.