Annie’s Mailbox: Men, monogamy don’t mix, he says

Dear Annie: I have been married for 40 years to a man who had a few affairs in the past that I recently found out about. We are both seeing counselors, privately and together. At this point in time, I am tired of dealing with this, and our marriage could well end in divorce.

But I am puzzled by what my husband told me. He said he learned in his psychology classes in college that “men are not designed for monogamy.” I have never heard him say anything of the sort in our entire 40 years together. Is this simply an excuse for me to forgive his affairs? Or is the statement true?

He tells me he is done with other women, but now I’m not so sure. Should I trust him again? – California

Dear California: There is some support for your husband’s statement, but it does not justify affairs. Your husband is not some uncivilized animal with no concern for his partner. We assume he is capable of self-control. But we can’t promise he will never have another affair, and he probably cannot promise that, either, even if his intentions are good. Only you can decide whether it’s worth the risk after 40 years of marriage.

Dear Annie: I work in an office with six women, and they all have cubicles. I have my own office. My problem is they do not associate with me. One woman in particular seems to run the show. I’ve tried to be friendly and converse with them, but I am snubbed.

I’ve been in the office for seven years. I always feel terrible when I hear them talking and laughing about family and things they did. But I’m never included in the conversation unless it has to do with work. – Feeling Lonely

Dear Lonely: If you have your own office, your status must be higher than that of your co-workers. It is hardly unusual for staff members to associate mainly with those at a similar level of employment. For your own peace of mind, please find friends elsewhere and keep the office a place of professionalism.


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