Miss Manners: Soiled suit deserves cleaning, no matter who was wearing it
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was attending the engagement party of a cousin’s daughter, which was very nice. Over the course of what seemed like maybe 10 minutes, I became very ill. While trying to get to the bathroom, I, err, expelled the contents of my stomach all over the floor and the back of the mother of the groom-to-be, whom I do not know. She was in an expensive, light-colored suit. I had eaten tomato soup, so, well, I don’t think she will be able to wear that suit again.
After my explosion, I apologized profusely to the woman who looked at me in horror. I also apologized to my cousin and asked for the woman’s contact information, so that I might write a letter and offer to pay for dry cleaning.
My cousin says the woman is rich and snooty and can pay for her own dry cleaning, and is rather pleased over the fact that I did this, as she doesn’t like the family.
What should I do? I will no doubt encounter this woman again at the wedding. My cousin is full of horror stories about her, but I have nothing against her and feel like I should do something.
GENTLE READER: Is your cousin’s argument that because the woman is rich and snooty, that she is a deserving subject upon which to be vomited?
Miss Manners is not in the habit of punishing people for their questionable character. Yes, you should do something. Find the contact information with or without your cousin’s help. Write a letter and offer to pay for dry cleaning, as was your original instinct. And tell your cousin to leave the etiquette advice to Miss Manners.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have friends over for dinner weekly. I like to cook and they like to eat. My food is good, we have fun, and we always go down the street to the local pub after dinner.
A mutual friend we know from the pub asks detailed questions about what we just had for dinner, and wishes aloud that she can join us next time.
The problem lies in what she won’t eat. Each time we talk about our dinner, she reminds me that I can’t serve X and don’t use Y, because “I don’t like those things.”
I always laugh and say, “Well, you can’t come then.”
She vows to “pick out” the things she doesn’t like and not to say a word when there’s something she won’t eat.
I don’t buy it for a minute. Miss Manners, I like to cook for people who like to eat, and the current crop of dinner guests are great, adventurous eaters. How do I politely tell our friend that she’s not invited, as I will cook whatever I want, not cater to her needs?
GENTLE READER: Your friend should not be constantly inviting herself over and then dictating the parameters of the meal. But Miss Manners cannot help but feel that you are baiting her by prolonging the conversation.
She is not the person with whom you should be discussing your menus. If she is a friend otherwise, counter by inviting her to an event that doesn’t involve food. Or find another pub for your after-dinner drinks.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.