Nfl Should Offer Plenty This Year
What kind of NFL season will it be? Don’t get me started.
On second thought …
I predict Rashaan Salaam will trade a vowel for a new set of hands.
Wildlife protesters will demand the Jaguars of Jacksonville and the Panthers of Carolina stop wearing each other’s clothes.
I predict that so many touchdowns will be scored in the two Miami-New England games that Dolphins linebacker Bryan Cox will to need to take off his shoes to count them.
Deion Sanders will sign with every team in the NFL and play each week for whoever thinks it can’t live without him (groveling must be completed by Tuesday).
Eagles coach Ray Rhodes and Rams coach Rich Brooks will trade sides of the field at halftime and no one will notice.
I predict Steve Young will not only pass, run and think the 49ers to another Super Bowl, but will reupholster Candlestick Park and paint the Golden Gate Bridge in his spare time.
O.J. Simpson will be declared Los Angeles’ very own NFL franchise.
Buffalo will designate Jim Kelly, Thurman Thomas and Andre Reed historic landmarks.
I predict the Bear game plan will list “play-action pass” under “oxymoron.”
Throwback coach Buddy Ryan will update his motto from “My way or the highway” to “Be great or the interstate.”
Tampa Bay’s Warren Sapp will test positive for quarterback abuse.
Brett Favre will find adulthood confusing.
Free-lance owner Jerry Jones of Dallas will permit the rest of the NFL to wash his feet, but only with official Cowboy soap.
New Seattle coach Dennis Erickson will bring his University of Miami discipline to the Seahawks as well as his favorite bail bondsmen.
I predict the Oakland Raiders will change the face on their logo to resemble Jerry Garcia.
Dallas load Nate Newton will let his stomach out and injure a passing orphan.
Jacksonville coach Tom Coughlin will forbid bleeding.
Jerry Rice will break the all-time yardage receiving record and be given Steve Largent’s seat in Congress.
Players now forbidden to wear do-rags under the helmets will have their heads wrapped in Hermes bandages.
Joe Montana will be to TV commentating what tofu is to taste.
Cowboy dunder-tackle Leon Lett will run the wrong way with a football stuck in the space between his ears.
The Bears will merge Erik Kramer with Steve Walsh and instead of getting a ball-control quarterback with a strong arm will get a confused downfield flutter-baller with a huge contract.
Junior Seau will be demoted to sophomore.
The Tampa Bay passing combination of Dilfer to Dawsey will remind more than one person of Huff to Owens.
Steelers fullback Bam Morris will forget all about Pebbles.
I predict after the frost, St. Louis homegirl Georgia Frontiere will remember that St. Louis wasn’t her hometown after all, but Honolulu.
The league-wide epidemic of players named DeWayne will be cured by a new batch of Keshons.