Step Right Up For Sideshow Freaks

You run away with the circus, all innocence and romance. The next day you discover the audience yawning during the trapeze act and making a beeline to see the bearded lady and the reptile man.

And your sideshow barker for the evening: George Karl.

“Dennis Rodman is the guy who creates the problem,” Karl hollered Thursday, pulling us in off the midway.

“Dennis Rodman is the guy who’s laughing at the NBA and laughing at basketball. This guy holds and grabs and then fakes like my 12-year-old kid does - and he laughs! On national TV! And they still kiss his butt!”

Well, George, you put a little Maybelline on the guy and he doesn’t look half …

Wait, get a grip. Think pure thoughts.

Sorry. Can’t be done.

We came to the NBA Finals to behold the ultimate resurrection of Michael Jordan, the nascent gifts of Shawn Kemp, the two best defenders on Planet Stern, the divergent genius of exceptional basketball minds.

But the Bulls beat the Sonics just the way everyone said they would and we got drunk on Dennis Rodman and Frank Brickowski instead.

C’mon, another round for the house tonight!

We want sleaze! We want sleaze!

We were only going to take a taste. But then Dennis showed up for Game 1 with new hair - imagine the movie “Twister” being filmed at a Sherwin Williams dealer - and Brickowski showed up 3 minutes and 12 seconds before halftime with mayhem in his heart, or so referee Joey Crawford believed.

A mere 1:45 later, Brick was shown out - whistled for a flagrant foul on Rodman. Crawford quickly added twin technicals and the you’re-outta-here, and the Bulls made five free throws. They never trailed again.

“Everybody knows why he came in the game,” Rodman sniffed on Thursday. “I just kept my cool. A lot of people don’t give me enough credit to be an adult.”

Not so fast, Dennis. You have to reach adolescence first.

We knew this was a volatile mix. The Bulls’ Rodman is Psychology Today’s favorite foldout, and the Sonics’ Brickowski usually drops out of the Lady Byng Trophy hunt by the middle of training camp. But the thought of Brick being the heavy and Rodman the victim sent Karl into apoplexy.

“He taunted our bench,” Karl said of Rodman. “He flopped all over the court and he laughs at everybody - he laughs at his teammates, he laughs at the referees. It’s silly to give him any credibility for what he does. He’s a hell of a player, he does a hell of a job, he’s a great rebounder. But his flopping and laughing at the respect of basketball is ludicrous.

“Frank threw a hip into him. It could have been a foul, but it wasn’t a flagrant foul.”

And what got him the T’s? Why, absolutely nothing, of course.

“I didn’t question the call - I only asked if it was flagrant 1 or flagrant 2 (the NBA distinguishes the severity of flagrants),” Brickowski said. That’s all he said?

“I called Jack Haley a baby sitter,” admitted Brickowski.

Actually, he called him a something baby sitter, and that was out of line. Haley is actually Rodman’s something bobo, a 6-foot-10 stiff who isn’t even on the Bulls’ playoff roster because, well, you have to be able to play.

“Hey, Jack’s a friend of mine,” Brickowski protested.

Really? You respect him?

“His basketball?” Brickowski mused. “I don’t remember the last time I saw him play.”

Actually, Haley reported that Brickowski had called him before the series to ask for extra tickets. Oh, and Brickowski - who owns a Montana ranch with actor and ladies man Charlie Sheen - apparently once introduced Haley to Kato Kaelin.

This just gets better and better, doesn’t it?

Brickowski also passed on some hearsay that Crawford told the Sonics bench after the ejection that “he knew what I was in there for.”

And that set Karl off again. “Frank Brickowski is a skilled basketball player,” Karl ranted. “He can score in the low block, is a good shooter, can run the floor, is a talented basketball player. He is not a brute. It’s obnoxious to say that.”

OK, goon, then. Thug.

“No, he’s one of our strongest players, one of our most physical players,” Karl said. “But he is skilled and a talented player and to label him a brute is wrong. And that’s what the league did with their edict after the David Robinson incident (an early- season set-to with the Spurs center) and I think that’s absurd.

“Frank Brickowski has not had a very good year because every time he walks on the court he’s got a magnifying glass on him.”

Unlike Rodman, eh, George?

“And we’re supposed to back off him, is that what we’re supposed to do?” Karl raged on. “Say, ‘OK, Dennis, you can be the only jackass out there. We’re not going to confront you.”’

You hear that, Frank? You’re not a brute. You’re a jackass.

Truth is, Brickowski may be more comfortable with what he is than Karl.

In previous stops at San Antonio and Milwaukee, Brickowski was a dependable scorer - a guy who had his number called as the first option on scoring plays. Now he’s in to bang and board.

“If I play 9 minutes a game,” he said, “that allots me six fouls to use at my discretion.

“Dennis is a great rebounder who needs specific attention off the boards. I’ll do whatever it takes. I will not try to hurt Dennis, but if it means banging and pushing and shoving, he’s as good at it as anybody.”

Yeah, but how is Brickowski going to stay in the game?

“Maybe I’ll go to flop camp,” he deadpanned.

And what does Rodman expect the Sonics to throw at him tonight?

“I hope somebody’s wife,” he said, leering.

Folks, it’s the greatest show on earth.

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: 2 Color Photos

The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = John Blanchette The Spokesman-Review